Another month of neglecting this blog. Ho-hum, truly I really wish I could fuse Tumblr with Blogger and Facebook, it'd save me the hassle from updating everywhere what's happening. But I think people from my public chance across this site anymore, so my thoughts are quite safe. Even I rarely visit this place anymore.

But nevertheless, it feels great to be back in familiar surroundings. And now, onto EMO business.

I've been getting on people's nerves lately, people I love mostly. And it's not helping because I've been getting quite frustrated and angry easily as well. So it boils down to the other party and me landing ourselves in the "I'm not okay, you're not okay" life position I learnt from the TCP camp (awesome empowering camp that inspires you to be ready for the world). Luckily, they've been resolved, but I pray that it would not happen again, and if it does it would not be that same severe degree. I nearly lost someone, I actually walked out defiantly and could have had something terrible happen to me.

Gosh I need to keep my emotions and temper in check, otherwise I could end up doing something irrational and violent that I'd live to regret later on.

I scare myself sometimes. The things that I do out of impulse, the words I unleash in retaliation, the very hateful thoughts just boiling in my mind. I am just no longer the "good" kid I used to be huh? Study everyday, listen and respect people older than you, be modest and decent. Eh, I've grown up screwed.

Here I lie, doomed.

But putting all that aside now and delving into schoolwork, I fear to think I could have a very terrible semester lying in front of me as I go further into this new Mass Comm semester - 1.1, the freshmen HELL sem. Already 1.2 was slack and fun, and I hope the easygoing attitude I had doesn't spill over to this semester (I'm starting to see the signs though). Lucky for me I scored a GPA of 3.81 for the previous semester, earning me a place in the coveted Director's List. It's awesome, I can honestly tell you. I'm striving for another semester in the Director's List again this sem, as well as maybe topping one of the few core modules we have to take and being one of the top three in standard for Year Ones...

Ambitious, I know. But (selfishly) I fear for my own wellbeing because this semester is mostly group project-based. Groups chosen so early and expected to work together for the whole semester. I fear that I've landed myself in a foolish trap I could have avoided, and now I'm to work with a group for two modules, a group with classmates that I am NOT in the least bit close to, neither can I say I really know nor actually have had a real conversation with. What the hell have I done, yeah? And the best news is I think they only chose me because they wanted to make use of me, and already one of them is (from my own honest opinion but pray tell I hope they were kidding when I talked to them) clueless of my existance in their group. Either that or they weren't listening, they weren't bothered with me or they weren't really paying attention and the tutorial slipped their mind when I questioned them about it.

It worries me that they won't drag their own weight or do their work properly, but given advice from best friends, I'll just have to do my best and put in a lot more effort on my part. I'm striving for success and that A (an AD if possible), and that place in the Director's List no less.

I just hope I don't break down or kill my group members later on in the semester.

Is it any wonder it's November and Christmas isn't so far away? Man, I am really not used to the poly schedule. It's messing with the regular schedule I'm used to.

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 12:36 AM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

"Singing songs that make you slit your wrists,
It isn't that much fun..."

M N. 5th of the April. 17. Singapore. Female. Facebook. Tumblr.

Ex-Chongfu Primary. / Ex-CHAS.
Graduated Orchid Park Secondary:
Ex-Drama. Ex-Debater. Ex-Student Councillor. Ex-1A3-ian. Once-and-forever-2A3-ian. Ex-3A1-ian. Ex-PROUD-4A1-ian.

NGEE ANN FMS MCM [mass comm] T107/T102. RADIOHEATWAVE.COM Radio DJ. STAGE 52.

IN A RELATIONSHIP ♥

FYI, I quote a LOT of lyrics.

NOT emo, just tends to be more depressed than I'd like.
NOT a rocker, but loves to rock out.
NOT so sure i know who i am.
SUFFERS from Dermatillomania
a passionate LOVE for the colour RED
& PROUD TO BE A freak. Are you?

1. Love myself.
2. Self-Acceptance.
3. Eradicate insecurities.
4. Not to care.
5. Work hard in school.
6. Start over.
7. Take it slow.
8. Keep promises.
9. GPA >3.8 [yr 1.2,1.1,2.2,2.1,3.2]
10. To be MISERABLE and HAPPY.


"If it's not enough, try again. And again. Over and over again."

[[ WaNTS && WiSHES ]]

(1) Gorillaz - Plastic Beach
(2) 30STM - This Is War
(3) New Headphones
(4) Those new JEANS
(5) A Teenage Dream

Alex. :)♥ (my bumbling idiot)

HUTTSON My poopoo DOGGIE. ♥♥♥

BANDS :: MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE. Placebo. Marilyn Manson. 30 Seconds to Mars. Avenged Sevenfold. Linkin Park. Gorillaz. The Blackout. The Academy Is... Fall Out Boy. Bullet For My Valentine. Before Their Eyes. Lady Gaga. Just to name a VERY few...

HEROES :: GERARD WAY. TDK Joker. Jared Leto. Brian Molko. Draco Malfoy. 2D. Gerard Way. ♥ XD

Dilemmas.
The conflict.
Inner conflict.
Prejudiced people.
BUGS.

2A3-ians ♥ We Rock. Like Hell.
3/4A1-ians Over speed limit :D
Shoethrowers ♥ FAMILY
Apphia! :D :D :D Hee.
Azira A-zi-zi-ziraaaa! ♥ xD
Elizabeth ♥!
Elva VaVa :D
Farhan
Gavin
Isabelle
Jessica :D :D :D
Joanne ♥ XD
Joel is a legend!
Kenn Ninjaboy :D
Keng Ying CUZZIN! :D
Li Qing :DDD!
Matin! :D So cuute!
Nazry BiTCH!♥
Pearlyn So cute. :D
Rui Shuin Mah Couzin :D
Safwah rocks hardcore! :D ♥
Samuel ... Moo. :D ♥
Sarah BestFriend WALRUS ♥♥♥
Sheereen :DDD She cool yo!
Shi Wei :D:D:D So rad!
Si Ying, Tan rroooccckksss. :]
Si Ying, Yeh :D
Su Min She rocks!
Su Yuan :]

"Well you can hide a lot about yourself,
But honey, what're you gonna do?
And you can sleep in a coffin,
But the past ain't through with you."

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Image: Beyrout

I'm nothing but a beautiful disaster,
Crying tears of blood and joy
Into this black void.
Oblivion;
It's the place to be.
Ephemeral Romance.
Will you come with me?




i want to be

BEAUTIFUL

inside