So, another 5 days of school has crawled by... But if you view it by the week, you'd realize it just sped by pretty fast.

I'm starting to make progress in studying. AE Maths is going pleasantly well I can say, just need to fine-tune areas I'm not so confident in, but the rest of the subjects are slowly killing me. It's painful, looking at the workload, but someone's gotta do it.

I need to do it soon.

In any other case, we celebrated Mrs Rupesh's and Ashton's birthdays on Wednesday. I gotta say, though 4A1's not that all-united, it was a fantastic event that mostly everyone was present. We had cake, we camwhored, we had extended 5 minutes of recess (made no difference though), and we were together, something we don't do very often.

I can't upload pictures here, my blogger codes will get all screwed and skewed. So either head down to my facebook album, or check out Nazry's blog for some of the action.

In other boring news... (I realize at this point in time I have nothing exciting or relatively interesting to say) I think - THINK THINK - I like someone... But I can't exactly be sure. One, I've had a strange infatuation with him for a whole day (no idea why) and another, he's kinda cute. And he reminds me of all the other guys I used to like. But I remind myself of one of the resolutions I've set for myself: No crushes or anything. I know I've already broken that by liking a certain someone at the start of the year, but now I need to focus on schoolwork.

But then again, it's always nice to glance at him and see a sweet smile on his face. What a kidder.

Randomosity: I love Placebo. Their alternative music is really starting to entice me further into getting their Battle For The Sun CD.

"You can run but you can't hide, because no one here gets out alive. Find a friend on whom you can rely, Julien, you're being taken for a ride. You can run but you can't hide, because no one here gets out alive. Find a friend in whom you can confide, Julien, you're a slow motion suicide. Slow motion suicide..."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 9:27 PM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

Well, this week's been an eventful one.

For one, last Friday, I watched HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE with Zhi Qing and Azira. Great movie, not-so-great ending, but it was still alright. Plus my old obsession for Draco Malfoy and Slytherin is sparked up again.

This entire week was filled full of crazed Hogwarts-Magic-Harry Potter obsessive talk with the Shoethrowers. We were all taking the Facebook quizzes and testing which houses we were in, and since there were so many HUFFLEPUFFS and SLYTHERINS (just ZQ and I), we roleplayed, forced ourselves into the HP series and formed our own clique/"house": The SLUTTYPUFFS!

And of course, Wei Zhe and I got into fierce debate into how to take off our fingertips and find a way to conjoin our wands to our fingertips so we can just use our hands and the magical power can flow right out of our "finger-wand-tips"... Oh, and apparently this method is so effective and powerful, whenever we cast "Avada Kedavra", laser-like killing power blasts right out of our fingertips.

Think Cyclops' (from X-men) laser-eye blasts. Yes, it's THAT effective! As well as Nazry telling me that to do the Lumos (conjure up a light) spell, we have to point the middle fingers. It works, don't ask why, you filthy mudblood.

Just recently (last night, round 6.15) I watched HP6 again with Nazry. Watching with him was ridiculously hilarious. I don't want to reveal any spoilers so as not to ruin the show, but what Nazry remarked at some scenes were just inappropiate and oh god, BRILLIANT. I love ya Nazry, we've GOT to watch other movies together! We'll totally screw them up, down, left and right!

Siiiigggghhh, the talks this week were entertaining and amusing. And just plain WRONG. We screwed up everything, including slandering Cho Chang and other people we don't like, screwing up the timeline and the individual houses and stalking the people we like/love/are married to. We should all make an Unbreakable Vow, next two years, when Deathly Hallows come out, we are so watching together. Screw everything else.

Yes, you've noticed I've been subtly Slytherin green. Weeeee! :D



Roleplay and fantasy life aside. I applied for DPA and was asked for an interview this week as well. The interview went well I can say, though I was half-an-hour late. They asked questions, we responded, we asked questions, they responded and clarified any doubts or assumptions other people had of the course...

And it was when they told us more about the course I start to question whether I do want that course. It's not the thing of studying or biology or anything, but it's the projects that involve... testing on animals. And after that the animals are supposed to be killed. It's not absue, it's protocol. It's not illegal, it's AVA-procedure.

I don't know if I'm emotionally stable enough to handle that.

Back to thinking what I really want after secondary school education. But I think it's safer if I just study hard and get as low points as possible, then I'll be in the safe zone.

Another time this week I went to school, mentally exhausted, slightly drowsy and ... appearing depressed I guess. I don't know why, I wasn't that stressed by studying the night before. But I think I know why I was so "emo". I'm going to digress and talk to myself here, no need to empathize with a freak like me, it's more safer if you watch from a distance.

I saw something I shouldn't have seen. It was an accidental mistake. And seeing it made me feel confused, bewildered and empty inside. I felt so unfamiliar, out of my comfort zone, as if I've been thrust into a room full of strangers. I don't know --- anymore. The looks are different from what I've remembered. I just don't know what to feel, what to say or think. Have I completely absolved myself from seeing that? That I do not feel as strongly as I would have a while ago? Or did I distance myself too much from that? That I don't know how to react anymore?

Either way, I feel like a stranger, looking at that. I just don't know --- anymore. Maybe it mentally aggravates me, but I can't be sure. I'm going to forget about this. Because I don't need to remind myself of things that I've worked so hard to put away from my memories.

In the meantime, the time now is 4:08 AM. I am exhausted and I need sleep. Homework and study to do tomorrow.

PS, I would sigh, but my Maths tutor told me it's not good luck... So, I'm going to swear in what's considered offensive in Hogwarts instead.

Filthy mudbloods and squibs and blood traitors... Grr.

"The way you're dancing, makes me come alive. Makes me shiver and perspire. Your surreptitious glancing, the way you crack a smile, you really start a fire. So move closer, I wanna feel your touch. So come over, come on. Love of mine, this fortress in our hearts feels much weaker, now we're apart. Love of mine, this fortress in our hearts, comes crashing down. I need a change of skin. I need a change."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 3:32 AM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present my boyfriend, one of Azira's husbands and Zhi Qing's father:


! ♥ DRACO MALFOY ♥ !
Harry Potter 6 wasn't that bad actually. By far better than Harry Potter 5... That was a bad movie because I did not understand one freaking BIT of it, except the parts where Malfoy, all broody and moody going about his daily insults of Potter.

Oh my god, I love him. He's a misunderstood and misguided character... Like Atticus' belief that all people are really good inside, even if they are evil or so. Well, it's human character. Laconically put, we're so complex.

Anyway, moving on. I've been going through this phase of 'Ghetto Talk'. I'm lame, yes, I know, but I amuse myself by thinking of cartoon, animated characters and immediately going "I'd hit that!" and also "I'mma gonna give that boy a BOOTY CALL!" It's disturbing and morbidly funny in a twisted sense... But yeah, and I'm already hitting Draco Malfoy, so get in line. I'm first.

Swerving to school issues: I am growing closer and closer to mental breakdowns and stress. I'm becoming more impatient and frustrated at my homework and certain subjects these days. So much to do, so bloody much to do and there is so little time. It's every week and everyday I have to revise and study.

I've compiled a list.
PRACTICE!: English TYS, AE Maths papers, Phys/Chem papers
MEMORIZE! / UNDERSTAND!: History, SS, Lit
MAKE NOTES!: Lit, ... Pretty much everything else except for math and science, that I have done.

Only a few weeks more to Prelims, then after that it's the GCE Ordinary Level Examinations! Oh my dear goodness, what are we to do? Well, frig it, just give it my all and work hard. We'll be okay, we always have been.

Facebook quiz Azira posted, and I've taken up. It's kinda a second-person talking to me kinda thing, I don't know, but the answers are pretty personal, so imagine me talking to myself, only I address myself as "you".
____________________________

1. In case of a fire you:
Panic, drop and roll, regardless of whether you even ARE on fire, then run.

2. If you see a dead cat on the road you:
Feel disturbed and empty, before trying to find a way to scoop the body off the floor.

3. When you see an aeroplane coming to crash into your house you:
stare wide-eyed in horror and say "Shit" before BOOM.

4. In an airplane flight you:
sleep, read, watch airplane movies, drink diet coke for the sake of it.

5. If you're bored you:
find something to do, or think about.

6. When you're in a relationship you:
don't know what to do cause YOU'VE never been in one.

7. In a relationship the most important thing is:
Connection.

8. If a person of the opposite sex told you they love you:
develop a warm, fuzzy feeling within, sigh dreamily and reply "I love you too, bitch!"

9. When you've lost the person you love, you:
fall down, weep, before finding solace in friends and family, then getting up and moving on.

10. In a jungle you:
look up and scream "I am a gazelle and the jungle is my home!" like Number 5 did in The Umbrella Academy's Dallas #1... Only he was in a carpark.

11. If you're alone & you see a person of the opposite sex crying alone you go up to him and :
ask if he's alright, before providing comfort if he requires it.

12. When in the night and you see a full moon you:
smile at the simple yet exquisite beauty of it, and wonder if the myth that if you point at the moon you'd get a cut behind your ear is true.

13. In life you:
wanna do stupid things and have fun.

14. If you could be an animal, you would be:
a dog... Bark, bitch, bark.

15. When it's raining you:
a) run for cover
b) walk even slower to enjoy this feeling of getting your sins "washed" away

16. In this world, you:
like to be the first to do retarded things so when people die, they remember what you did.

17. If you became a millionaire you:
would donate, save, invest, spend. In that order.

18. When you love someone, you'd think of:
Draco Malfoy. Mmmmmm. Gonna give a booty call to him later. XD (What? You've just watched HP6, it's only natural for you to be attracted to hot blonde bad boys)

19. In the toilet you:
do stuff. Stuff... >__>

20. If you found out the person you love doesn't even like you, you:
feel pained, then shrug. It happens, and three times so far to you...

21. When you grow up you:
wanna be a vet, live your life well, find love, commit suicide, die in a freak accident, be a hero and somebody the world would look up to. Ambitious eh?
_____________________________

Eeeeeeyup... Oh yes, and nicely put: I absolutely HATE Plane Geometry, and yes, I do agree with my Maths tutor: Proving is the universal hated subject. Damn it.

"They start to rise up from the ground, they're going to kill everyone in town, then from the hills we're under attack! I see the bloodlust in their eyes. They want to stand, let's see who survives. Hell comes to Earth but I'll send it back. I'll never see you again, never see you again. I don't believe that this has happened. This is the day of the dead, come and take my hand, I don't believe that this has happened."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 10:23 PM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

I don't think my Chinese Oral went very well. I can list out what I did and felt. Nervous, stuttered, forgot words, couldn't converse properly. Yeeaahhh, that's pretty much it. And damn, did I feel bad after that. If I'm lucky, I'll pass my Listening Compre and the markers would lower the standard this year... So I can pass with at least a D grade.

I need it, really really need it.

On another part... (I'm going to talk to myself more than the people reading this, so if you don't understand, I concur, I don't understand what I'm going to say to myself either but it'll make more sense to me than you)

I think... I think I need to avoid people. It's my jealously acting up again, I'm sorry. I'm starting to feel completely different, like I'm ostracizing my old self and trying to be friends with this "new" person in me, but this "new" person doesn't want to accept me. I feel so broken and torn inside of me. People tell me their problems, their cheers. I sympathize, I feel glad for them.

Somehow I think people who tell me all their woes are starting to influence my subconscious mind, suddenly I'm becoming woeful myself. This also happens with the cheery people, but I'll never be like them. I'll never be like that. I'm always myself, always me. I don't need this, I can't take this, but I keep killing myself over and over again to find acceptance that I maybe have found but can't seem to get enough of.

I need to stop. I need to avoid people. I'm starting to dislike people all over again. I have always disliked myself... No compassion for humans, after the evil things we've done we don't deserve it. I can't study or focus or think properly or put my heart into my work like I used to. I don't write like I used to. I don't write and make up stories like I used to, I don't draw skewed and ugly comic strips like I used to.

I need to avoid people. I just need to. I'm dying to be influenced by them, but it's damaging me. I need to avoid people and just be myself for a while. I need to stop stubbing cigarettes into my ashtray heart, I need to stop killing myself.

... I should stop talking to myself. People might think I'm neurotic and insane... Hahahaha. Maybe I am. I need to stop.

"You were alone before we met, no more forlorn than one could get. How could we know we had found treasure? How sinister and how correct. And it was a leap of faith I could not take. A promise that I could not make. A leap of faith I could not take. A promise that I could not make. Mi cenicero, mi cenicero. My ashtray heart. Mi corazón de cenicero. My ashtray heart. Mi cenicero, mi cenicero. My ashtray heart. Mi corazón de cenicero. ... I tore the muscle from your chest and used it to stub out cigarettes. I listened to your screams of pleasure, now watch the bedsheets turn blood red."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 5:39 PM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

"Singing songs that make you slit your wrists,
It isn't that much fun..."

M N. 5th of the April. 17. Singapore. Female. Facebook. Tumblr.

Ex-Chongfu Primary. / Ex-CHAS.
Graduated Orchid Park Secondary:
Ex-Drama. Ex-Debater. Ex-Student Councillor. Ex-1A3-ian. Once-and-forever-2A3-ian. Ex-3A1-ian. Ex-PROUD-4A1-ian.

NGEE ANN FMS MCM [mass comm] T107/T102. RADIOHEATWAVE.COM Radio DJ. STAGE 52.

IN A RELATIONSHIP ♥

FYI, I quote a LOT of lyrics.

NOT emo, just tends to be more depressed than I'd like.
NOT a rocker, but loves to rock out.
NOT so sure i know who i am.
SUFFERS from Dermatillomania
a passionate LOVE for the colour RED
& PROUD TO BE A freak. Are you?

1. Love myself.
2. Self-Acceptance.
3. Eradicate insecurities.
4. Not to care.
5. Work hard in school.
6. Start over.
7. Take it slow.
8. Keep promises.
9. GPA >3.8 [yr 1.2,1.1,2.2,2.1,3.2]
10. To be MISERABLE and HAPPY.


"If it's not enough, try again. And again. Over and over again."

[[ WaNTS && WiSHES ]]

(1) Gorillaz - Plastic Beach
(2) 30STM - This Is War
(3) New Headphones
(4) Those new JEANS
(5) A Teenage Dream

Alex. :)♥ (my bumbling idiot)

HUTTSON My poopoo DOGGIE. ♥♥♥

BANDS :: MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE. Placebo. Marilyn Manson. 30 Seconds to Mars. Avenged Sevenfold. Linkin Park. Gorillaz. The Blackout. The Academy Is... Fall Out Boy. Bullet For My Valentine. Before Their Eyes. Lady Gaga. Just to name a VERY few...

HEROES :: GERARD WAY. TDK Joker. Jared Leto. Brian Molko. Draco Malfoy. 2D. Gerard Way. ♥ XD

Dilemmas.
The conflict.
Inner conflict.
Prejudiced people.
BUGS.

2A3-ians ♥ We Rock. Like Hell.
3/4A1-ians Over speed limit :D
Shoethrowers ♥ FAMILY
Apphia! :D :D :D Hee.
Azira A-zi-zi-ziraaaa! ♥ xD
Elizabeth ♥!
Elva VaVa :D
Farhan
Gavin
Isabelle
Jessica :D :D :D
Joanne ♥ XD
Joel is a legend!
Kenn Ninjaboy :D
Keng Ying CUZZIN! :D
Li Qing :DDD!
Matin! :D So cuute!
Nazry BiTCH!♥
Pearlyn So cute. :D
Rui Shuin Mah Couzin :D
Safwah rocks hardcore! :D ♥
Samuel ... Moo. :D ♥
Sarah BestFriend WALRUS ♥♥♥
Sheereen :DDD She cool yo!
Shi Wei :D:D:D So rad!
Si Ying, Tan rroooccckksss. :]
Si Ying, Yeh :D
Su Min She rocks!
Su Yuan :]

"Well you can hide a lot about yourself,
But honey, what're you gonna do?
And you can sleep in a coffin,
But the past ain't through with you."

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Layout: x
Image: Beyrout

I'm nothing but a beautiful disaster,
Crying tears of blood and joy
Into this black void.
Oblivion;
It's the place to be.
Ephemeral Romance.
Will you come with me?




i want to be

BEAUTIFUL

inside