!!! FOR FUN AND FOR THE COMPLETE RANDOMNESS OF IT ALL !!!
!!! I'M SO STRESSED FROM STUDYING, CAN'T YOU TELL?! !!!
!!! WELL NOT REALLY, BUT PEOPLE FROM FORUMS I USED TO GO TO USED TO PLAY THIS 'POST YOUR DESKTOP' GAME SO I THOUGHT I'D SHOW OFF MINE HERE !!!

My current desktop, a printscreen of it:


Well, it's actually bigger than that. 1280x1024 pixels, but meh, it still looks good, eh-eh-eh? :D I give credit to all the avatar makes... Except for the Gerard Way one at the top, 3rd from the left. That one I made.

Yup... : ] ... ...

Back to studying now, well not really but yeah. SIGHHHHHHH.

"Cold was my soul. Untold was the pain I faced when you left me. A rose in the rain.... So I swore to the razor that never, enchained. Would your dark nails of faith be pushed through my veins again? Bared on your tomb, I'm a prayer for your loneliness. And would you ever soon come above onto me? For once upon a time on the binds of your loneliness I could always find the slot for your sacred key. Six feet deep is the incision. In my heart, that barless prison discoulours all with tunnel vision."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 12:02 PM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

It's been a long while since an update, I'm quite aware of that. But times are hard, competition is getting tougher... And the Big 'O' draws nearer with each passing second, minute, hour, day.

Our school has begun the countdown to the 26th of October, our English O Level date. Oh dear, dear, dear. How I resent the feeling of knowing that doom is coming around the corner. Our Prelims aren't too far off, either. Next week, last week to finish up everything, and the week after the next: Monday, Tuesday - Teachers' Day break. Wednesday - BAM! Prelims. In our faces.

I feel good about my studies though. Math and Sciences are surviving, Lit and English, need to polish skills. Humanities - remember and pay attention to details. I think I can do it.

Now to recount the wonderous events that have occured this week will have impact the course of History in years to come:

1. Chinese O Level results were released on the 19th of August, aka this Wednesday. I must admit, I was a nervous wreck for the whole day, I kept thinking that I was going to fail, going to fail, fail like I always have. Another F9 I expected, and it saddened me.

I didn't have faith in myself to pass, no one else did either - except for my friends and my mom. My God, I love them.

Anyway, Mrs Rupesh recited all the grades and Oral Results, I was elated when I heard Charlotte and the other people presumably bad in Chinese passed with a C6. Heh, reminds me when Mrs Rupesh announced Nazry's grade - B4. It was a loud and surprised gasp from Nazry. Then it boiled down to me... I remember precisely, that one moment:

I was slumping in my seat, praying feverishly for a seven, D7, a scrap-through pass. Nazry had gasped when he heard his score, and I grinned over at him, good for him, I thought, getting the grade he wanted even after he claims he did badly for Paper 1. Then came my turn, Mrs Rupesh read out, "Michelle" and eyed me with a strange but pleased look. My heart stopped for a millisecond... "Six". It was a relieved and loud cry from me, "Thank you God!" and I sighed. Immediately my nervousness was replaced with blissfulness. A wonderful ecstatic and rapturous feeling bubbled within me.

I'm a constant and consistent F9-er, I admit. But to finally pass Chinese with a C6 [6 MAN, NOT A 7 LIKE I HOPED FOR BUT IT'S JUST SO GODDAMN BETTER!!!], especially when no one had no faith in me, especially when my chinese teacher would look at me with pity and faint hopelessness (or so I perceive), especially when so many people would stare at me in disbelief when I tell them I failed so easy a Chinese test, and I proved to them that I can pass. Though I have a feeling the markers felt extremely sorry for me and let me pass, it's still an amazing triumph.

I haven't felt this accomplished in years. Finally, the 6 months of Chinese tuition and effort has paid off. I felt I could do anything, especially ace my Prelims and O's.

2. As I have posted on my facebook status: "[I] made a choice. Whether it's the right or wrong one, [I] can't say, [I'm] torn inside too. But [I'm] sorry for nothing. NOTHING."

You are probably wondering what the sam hill (heh, TKAMB joke... heh) am I talking about. Well, another day happened this week that I never mentioned. I applied for DPA (Direct Poly Admission) when it first came out in July... I originally went for it just for experience and for the sheer fun of it. I applied for Veterinary Technology at Temasak Poly... I didn't think I'd get in at all (i just wanted experience), besides, my 600-character was mediocre and insignificant, but it was sincere.

Imagine my surprise when I came home one day to a phone call from the TP people, telling me they want to interview me. And typcial me, on the day of my interview, I was late. BY HALF A FUCKING HOUR. I thought it would affect the interviewers' impression of me... Turns out me living in Yishun was a good excuse for my lateness (:p i took the wrong bus actually). Anyway, the interview went alright, and though I didn't actually realize the course was about being a Vet but being a Vet technologist, and half the time I didn't actually know what these two other guys were talking about - scientific professionals I tell ya - I was sincere. I expressed myself as well as I can, I said out my opinions and hearing what the course was actually about, I started wondering and doubting whether I really did want the course.

Fast-forward the other irrelevant shiz and skip to the dilemma that plagued me since Tuesday. Considering my rather immature* and childish* and emotionally unstable* answers I gave at my interview, I knew for certain I had no chance of getting in (in fact, i didn't want to get in at all) but this Tuesday I checked the DPA website and "CONGRADULATIONS!" I was offered a place in TP for Vet tech.

I was instantly torn. Blissful, Depressed. Eager, Reluctant. Excited, Withdrawn. Did I want it? I didn't know. I had to give an answer, and it was due today, at 4 pm.

The funny thing about today was that I had a Lit test for 1.5 hrs, so it was only at 3.15pm I could seek opinion from Mrs Rupesh (all my other friends and family told me to take the JC route). Unfortunately she was at a meeting and called over Mr Nair, who was in the vicinity, to talk to me instead. One thing to note, Mrs Rupesh told me the JC route was a stressful route, there's competition, there's stress, there's going to be pain. Mr Nair heard my whole story summed up in like 5 minutes and he advised me never to make decisions, especially important ones, when you're confused.

I mused over it, saw that maybe Vet wasn't a good career choice because it was so difficult, and that maybe now if I did accept the DPA thing I would be hurting my future instead.

My answer? I rejected it. I rejected the DPA course I wanted so badly, that was so SO hard to get into.

Mrs Rupesh wasn't happy with it, it was mildly funny but overall upsetting to hear her say "Noooo" when she saw that I came back from the library after rejecting it. She looked at me with disappointment(?) almost... I gave up a good chance. I know. Ms Xu heard from Mr Nair I was keeping my career choices open, she said it was good.

So I made my choice. I rejected it. Whether it was the right or wrong choice... I don't know. I acted on impulse I think. What did I just do? I don't know... I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm sorry for... I'm sorry for nothing I guess... Or am I feeling sorry for myself?

I wear my heart on my sleeve too much. I should keep this all bottled up, no need another insignificant person in the world to contribute more woes. Oh god, I don't know what I just did... Someone tell me, was it good or bad for me to reject it?

... I'm sorry.

"With folded arms you occupy the bench like toothache. Saw them, puff your chest out like you never lost a war. And though I try so not to suffer the indignity of a reaction, there was no cracks to grasp or gaps to claw. And your past-times consisted of the strange, and twisted and deranged, and I hate that little game you had called: Crying lightning. And how you like to aggravate the icky man on rainy afternoons. Uninviting, but not half as impossible as everyone assumes, you are crying lightning."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 7:25 PM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

"Singing songs that make you slit your wrists,
It isn't that much fun..."

M N. 5th of the April. 17. Singapore. Female. Facebook. Tumblr.

Ex-Chongfu Primary. / Ex-CHAS.
Graduated Orchid Park Secondary:
Ex-Drama. Ex-Debater. Ex-Student Councillor. Ex-1A3-ian. Once-and-forever-2A3-ian. Ex-3A1-ian. Ex-PROUD-4A1-ian.

NGEE ANN FMS MCM [mass comm] T107/T102. RADIOHEATWAVE.COM Radio DJ. STAGE 52.

IN A RELATIONSHIP ♥

FYI, I quote a LOT of lyrics.

NOT emo, just tends to be more depressed than I'd like.
NOT a rocker, but loves to rock out.
NOT so sure i know who i am.
SUFFERS from Dermatillomania
a passionate LOVE for the colour RED
& PROUD TO BE A freak. Are you?

1. Love myself.
2. Self-Acceptance.
3. Eradicate insecurities.
4. Not to care.
5. Work hard in school.
6. Start over.
7. Take it slow.
8. Keep promises.
9. GPA >3.8 [yr 1.2,1.1,2.2,2.1,3.2]
10. To be MISERABLE and HAPPY.


"If it's not enough, try again. And again. Over and over again."

[[ WaNTS && WiSHES ]]

(1) Gorillaz - Plastic Beach
(2) 30STM - This Is War
(3) New Headphones
(4) Those new JEANS
(5) A Teenage Dream

Alex. :)♥ (my bumbling idiot)

HUTTSON My poopoo DOGGIE. ♥♥♥

BANDS :: MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE. Placebo. Marilyn Manson. 30 Seconds to Mars. Avenged Sevenfold. Linkin Park. Gorillaz. The Blackout. The Academy Is... Fall Out Boy. Bullet For My Valentine. Before Their Eyes. Lady Gaga. Just to name a VERY few...

HEROES :: GERARD WAY. TDK Joker. Jared Leto. Brian Molko. Draco Malfoy. 2D. Gerard Way. ♥ XD

Dilemmas.
The conflict.
Inner conflict.
Prejudiced people.
BUGS.

2A3-ians ♥ We Rock. Like Hell.
3/4A1-ians Over speed limit :D
Shoethrowers ♥ FAMILY
Apphia! :D :D :D Hee.
Azira A-zi-zi-ziraaaa! ♥ xD
Elizabeth ♥!
Elva VaVa :D
Farhan
Gavin
Isabelle
Jessica :D :D :D
Joanne ♥ XD
Joel is a legend!
Kenn Ninjaboy :D
Keng Ying CUZZIN! :D
Li Qing :DDD!
Matin! :D So cuute!
Nazry BiTCH!♥
Pearlyn So cute. :D
Rui Shuin Mah Couzin :D
Safwah rocks hardcore! :D ♥
Samuel ... Moo. :D ♥
Sarah BestFriend WALRUS ♥♥♥
Sheereen :DDD She cool yo!
Shi Wei :D:D:D So rad!
Si Ying, Tan rroooccckksss. :]
Si Ying, Yeh :D
Su Min She rocks!
Su Yuan :]

"Well you can hide a lot about yourself,
But honey, what're you gonna do?
And you can sleep in a coffin,
But the past ain't through with you."

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Layout: x
Image: Beyrout

I'm nothing but a beautiful disaster,
Crying tears of blood and joy
Into this black void.
Oblivion;
It's the place to be.
Ephemeral Romance.
Will you come with me?




i want to be

BEAUTIFUL

inside