I know I said I wouldn't come on and I'm on internet hiatus and everything...

But slightly before that I wanted to play BOTH my sims for the last time before going studying... I never imagined anything to go wrong...

And now BOTH my Sims 2 and Sims 3 are not starting up. They crash before even starting with that heartwrenching and despicable error tone coming up every time. I don't know what happened.

It sounds stupid, but I am very, very agonized and distraught over this. I have played, nutured and loved each and every individual sim I have created in both games in my brother's computer. I took care of them, I pampered them, I downloaded gorgeous stuff so they wouldn't have to wear fucking ugly Maxis clothes (except in sims 3 where I can customize patterns and such)...

I used them in stories. I used them like they were my actors and I was their director, I took their pictures like how real directors filmed movies, both telling a story with an idea in our minds... I truly loved playing the sims I created in both games... I grew a bond with each individual simulated and artificial chracter I personally created. Yes, each of the sims I created contained a little piece of me in them, and I loved and cherished them.

Now I can't even play either game. My brother uninstalled sims 3... it's my duty to reinstall it after the O's. I've gotten very depressed and upset over losing my two beloved families that I wholeheartedly played (and stressed over).

But the sims 2... I've played it far many more times than I played The Sims 3. It's been my friend for years, something I can unleash all my creative thoughts into, something I can take out my anger on. Years of downloading and playing and developing each sims 2 character... A long time ago, after installing Sims 2 Unleashed (pets), it crashed soon after and I was in full anguish. It's foolish, but I was so upset enough to commit suicide.

Now I have to uninstall it. Because it won't start up. The only remedy is to uninstall and reinstall it. There's no other way to run around it.

But all my sims... all my wonderful, stupid, darling, retarded, beautiful, fucking teenage sims... They're gone.

... I could cry now... I really could.

Emotional attachment to an artificial simulation is absurd, I know. But when you play it and loved it as much as I did... It's like losing a beloved. I resent the times I thought I was bored with the Sims. I resent each and every time I had that despicable and poisonous thought. I know I can very well reconstruct them again when I reinstall the game... But it's not going to be the same... The faces will be all wrong. I treated them like they were all alive... I talked to them in my mind and they would talk back. They kept me company when I was alone in the house...

... I miss them. I'm going to miss each and everyone of them.

I feel too rotten to even fucking cry.


RIP

Rulelezz's Sims 2 and Sims 3 sims.
She loved, cherished and celebrated each and everyone in you.
She holds each and everyone close to her heart.
Don't forget.

Countdown to 26/10: 7.5 days
"You're automatic, and your heart's like an engine. I die with every beat. You're automatic, and your voice is electric. Why do I still believe? It's automatic, everywhere in your letter. A lie that makes me bleed. It's automatic, when you say things get better. But they never... There's no real love in you. There's no real love in you. There's no real love in you. Why do I keep loving you?"

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 7:20 PM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

So yesterday was the (unofficial in a sense) last day of school for the Secondary 4E/5N before they headed off for their study leave. I guess it's unofficial since it's actually the end of OFFICIAL lessons, but we still do have to go for some extra lessons during our 2-week study break. Not forgetting to mention NIGHT STUDY commencing in school soon. Woo, a place where I can sit down and really focus on doing work.

Slight digression, but going back on the tangent, I write this with mixed emotions that arose in me yesterday.

The day was simple, a little disorganized and rushed, but still it was an alright day. Our last official subject lessons with respective subject teachers didn't turn out to be as memorable as I hoped it would be. Ah well, skipping to the last period where we were to check our finalized testimonials and have our report books issued back to us (and remain in our possession for the rest of time now),

Mrs Rupesh said out to the class I was the first, and that was the beginning of the mixed emotions that raged in me. First in class, 18th in the whole graduating (S5 included?) cohort, is a very remarkable achievement, I admit. I felt proud, happy, relieved... Content mostly. The disappointed side of those mixed emotions made me feel I could have done better. And I sincerely could have.

Still 8 and 13 points is quite a huge achievement in my eyes I feel, inclusive of those CCA results. And now, if only I can remain consistent and score these grades (or BETTER) for O Levels, I guess I'll be set. If my handwriting didn't look like an infectious breeding fungus on paper and my careless mistake streak doesn't decide to go on overload, I think I can do pretty well.

Pushing and determination. Pushing and determination. Pushing and determination. One more month and it'll be over. One more month one more month one more month. We've come this far... Just a few more days and miles to run and this race will be over. This tedious, joyful, emotional and amazing race will be over. One more large obstacle to overcome, the worst for the last lap.

After school, the sec 4 councillors all assembled in 4A1 afterward to receive copies for the Council Camp. Though I'm apprehensive, I do want to go. The bad part is that I signed up for the Red Camp at Ngee Ann Poly and they decided to intertwine on the faithful days where the Council Camp is going to be held. So Council camp or Red Camp? Well, I got one criteria.

AS LONG AS ZHI QING, PRAISE AND NAZRY GOES FOR THE COUNCIL CAMP AND BECAUSE I LOVE MY LATER YEARS IN COUNCIL, THEN I'LL GO! Sorry Red Camp.

The Council camp sounds really exciting and thrilling, and if I do go for it, I hope it'll be as exciting and refreshing as the Perak Camp in '07. That was a glorious experience that should be celebrated.

Then we were off. Out last [official] day in OPSS... Poof! In a cloud of yellow and green smoke.

Now comes the emotional (car) wreckage I'm about to present. If you don't really want to get involved in female teenage hormones and senseless, irrational rambling, I suggest you head off to another website. Cause what I'm about to talk about below is total FAIL in terms of trying to be comprehensive. Well, I tried.

Last night, I had Math tuition with ANDY (lord of mathematics, i swear), he, along with a few, commended my efforts for my overall Exam results for '09 and then marked my work. I was reading thoroughly through my report card (which in class I didn't) when I chanced upon something that left in stunned, emotionally and psychologically.

In running order, beneath the:
Total
Percentage
Class Position
Level Position
...
therein lied next the Promotional Status:
And next to it, where I never expected to read and see: COMPLETED S4 EXPRESS

You will not believe how long I stared at it with my mind failing to think anything logical. (actually it wasn't for very long, my math tutor wanted to hit me for all the dumb mistakes I made, as usual.) But it occured to me that it's over... It's OVER. My secondary school life is drawing to a finale. Figuratively, the climax is nearing, the peak/pinnable is approaching, the stagehands are getting ready to release the curtains and close off the stage... This play, Sec school life, is coming to an end.

Am I ready for it to end?

Anyway, After this play, I'm sure I don't know what to find a career in, but hopefully my O Level results will enable to have a good career... and so I don't have to redo S4 year all over again. Let's not hope for that.

And to think! All of us couldn't even wait to leave OPSS! Remember from Sec 1 to Sec 3? When we all sighed and wished wholesomely that we could graduate and pursue our dreams? Well, now we finally are... I didn't think time would travel this fast (SO FAST!!!) and for the past 365+++ days when we woke up and headed to school... I didn't think it'd be this fast. I never thought it would be THIS fast. It's like a dream, ... did those 4 years just happen? Or was it all just an illusion and we're still in sec 1?

Oh, how the time flies when you're truly enjoying yourself.


Well, I guess this is the end. NOT OF MY BLOG OR MY LIFE (not yet, at least), but of Sec 4 life. Till Graduation I guess. But with the major O Level Examinations coming up fast like a bullet train driven by an angry and vengeful ex-girlfriend in futile denial (heh, I'm a baaaaaaddd writer), I guess now would be a good time to run (or study) hard.

I guess I'm going on internet hiatus, unless subject stuff is sent in my email, just to study hard and without distractions. I'm really going to need it. But, just in case, I may come on again to blog about Graduation day. Just to clear it all up.


So my friends, for now, ADIEU!Happy studying, mon cheries! :D

Countdown to 26/10 : 16 days
"Tonight my head is spinning. I need something to pick me up, I've tried but nothing is working. I won't stop, I won't say I've had enough. Tonight I start the fire. Tonight I break away. Break! Away from everybody. Break! Away from everything. If you can't stand the way this place is. Take! Yourself! To higher places! At night I feel like a vampire. It's not right but I just can't give it up. I'll try to get myself higher. Let's go! We're gonna light it up!"

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 10:37 AM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

"Singing songs that make you slit your wrists,
It isn't that much fun..."

M N. 5th of the April. 17. Singapore. Female. Facebook. Tumblr.

Ex-Chongfu Primary. / Ex-CHAS.
Graduated Orchid Park Secondary:
Ex-Drama. Ex-Debater. Ex-Student Councillor. Ex-1A3-ian. Once-and-forever-2A3-ian. Ex-3A1-ian. Ex-PROUD-4A1-ian.

NGEE ANN FMS MCM [mass comm] T107/T102. RADIOHEATWAVE.COM Radio DJ. STAGE 52.

IN A RELATIONSHIP ♥

FYI, I quote a LOT of lyrics.

NOT emo, just tends to be more depressed than I'd like.
NOT a rocker, but loves to rock out.
NOT so sure i know who i am.
SUFFERS from Dermatillomania
a passionate LOVE for the colour RED
& PROUD TO BE A freak. Are you?

1. Love myself.
2. Self-Acceptance.
3. Eradicate insecurities.
4. Not to care.
5. Work hard in school.
6. Start over.
7. Take it slow.
8. Keep promises.
9. GPA >3.8 [yr 1.2,1.1,2.2,2.1,3.2]
10. To be MISERABLE and HAPPY.


"If it's not enough, try again. And again. Over and over again."

[[ WaNTS && WiSHES ]]

(1) Gorillaz - Plastic Beach
(2) 30STM - This Is War
(3) New Headphones
(4) Those new JEANS
(5) A Teenage Dream

Alex. :)♥ (my bumbling idiot)

HUTTSON My poopoo DOGGIE. ♥♥♥

BANDS :: MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE. Placebo. Marilyn Manson. 30 Seconds to Mars. Avenged Sevenfold. Linkin Park. Gorillaz. The Blackout. The Academy Is... Fall Out Boy. Bullet For My Valentine. Before Their Eyes. Lady Gaga. Just to name a VERY few...

HEROES :: GERARD WAY. TDK Joker. Jared Leto. Brian Molko. Draco Malfoy. 2D. Gerard Way. ♥ XD

Dilemmas.
The conflict.
Inner conflict.
Prejudiced people.
BUGS.

2A3-ians ♥ We Rock. Like Hell.
3/4A1-ians Over speed limit :D
Shoethrowers ♥ FAMILY
Apphia! :D :D :D Hee.
Azira A-zi-zi-ziraaaa! ♥ xD
Elizabeth ♥!
Elva VaVa :D
Farhan
Gavin
Isabelle
Jessica :D :D :D
Joanne ♥ XD
Joel is a legend!
Kenn Ninjaboy :D
Keng Ying CUZZIN! :D
Li Qing :DDD!
Matin! :D So cuute!
Nazry BiTCH!♥
Pearlyn So cute. :D
Rui Shuin Mah Couzin :D
Safwah rocks hardcore! :D ♥
Samuel ... Moo. :D ♥
Sarah BestFriend WALRUS ♥♥♥
Sheereen :DDD She cool yo!
Shi Wei :D:D:D So rad!
Si Ying, Tan rroooccckksss. :]
Si Ying, Yeh :D
Su Min She rocks!
Su Yuan :]

"Well you can hide a lot about yourself,
But honey, what're you gonna do?
And you can sleep in a coffin,
But the past ain't through with you."

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Image: Beyrout

I'm nothing but a beautiful disaster,
Crying tears of blood and joy
Into this black void.
Oblivion;
It's the place to be.
Ephemeral Romance.
Will you come with me?




i want to be

BEAUTIFUL

inside