Sunday, June 28, 2009
Break me down
Voicing the obvious here... Oh wow, look. School tomorrow. Back to Sec 4 life and preparation for O Level's.Heh.AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"We'll do what we've always done: shut our eyes and hope for the best. NO! We're gonna face this! And step out onto the tracks. Stare it right in the face... THOU SHALL NOT PASS! And I know that we've still got time, but I do not think we're invincible and I think that it is a sign cause I do not think we’re invincible."
- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -
a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 11:00 PM
"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."
Saturday, June 27, 2009
City on Fire
People wanted an update, they say my blog is dead and yeah, pretty much I can see that.
I don't really feel like going in depth in my own life right now, maybe because I'm feeling unnecessarily bitter and melancholic (fine, fine emo whatever)? I can't tell anymore. Somehow I feel I'm becoming worse as this year progresses, not like the better person I wanted to become.
I need to just stop thinking. JUST STOP. Well, my mind's a bit disorganized right now, so I might as well just list them down point-form. It's not my style, but I've no other way to phrase them as of now. Besides, better for easy reading, eh?
_____
#1. Michael Jackson has passed away. And though I hardly consider myself a fan of his, his music is brilliant, no denying that. I can only pray he's in a better place now, a place where he, King of Pop, will reign supreme. I didn't exactly care about him... but his death upset me somehow.
#2. My homework is uncompleted and tomorrow's the last day of the June hols. I'm sure many people are in the some predicament as me, really. But I've got so much to do and I'm not focusing... I'm not determined, I'm not working hard. Once again, I've deteriorated. We don't have much time left before the O's... What the fuck am I still doing?
#3. My emotions have severly gone out of hand. My suicidal thoughts are starting to recur again. (I thought I squelched them) I feel like going back to self-injury but I feel just too rotten to. I feel inferior to everything, I'm trying to be something I'm not. I don't know who I am, I don't know if this is really me. I hate myself. I just fucking hate the person -whoever the fuck- I am... I wonder if I'll ever love or accept myself... For now, it just seems like some twisted and ruined dream. No, never.
#4. I'm stressed. Really, really stressed. For the 2nd/3rd/4th time this year, stressed till I can fall into a nervous breakdown and cry. For someone who is rather "laid-back" in life, this is not good for me. I've never been that stressed when it came to studies... But now, I am.
#5.
I don't need this right now. It's eating me up on the inside, it's killing me. I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!#6. Happier note: Gerard Way and Lyn-Z are parents now! Congrats to them and their new baby girl, Bandit Lee Way. She'll grow up one lucky kid. Funny how this news is old... She was given birth on May 27th if I'm not wrong. Well, that's old.
#7. I wonder how insane it'll get on Monday (when school starts).
#8. MT O Level Chinese next Friday. I'm not ready. I never will be.
"If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.""I'm happy to be alive, I'm happy to be who I am.""And I remember going to the record studio and there was a park across the street and I'd see all the children playing and I would cry because it would make me sad that I would have to work instead.""Let us dream of tomorrow where we can truly love from the soul, and know love as the ultimate truth at the heart of all creation."- Michael Jackson
The King of Pop
1958 - 2009
Your fans love you, your music is immortal, you live on
- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -
a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 11:23 AM
"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."
Monday, June 15, 2009
Don't Drag Me To Hell With You!
I watched Drag Me To Hell with Charlotte on Friday...
And I confess, I was weirded out, scared, frightened, disgusted, amused, bemused, saddened... and afriad, very afriad. I screamed at so many junctures... But overall, gotta admit, Drag Me To Hell is a pretty good show, nice plotline... But it did have some nonsensical stuff in there. Well, that's part of being screwed over by a gypsy who shamed herself but blames you for it.
Ooh, but there were some funny parts in it. I laughed at them after I stopped screaming.
Like,
SPOILERS:
1. When Christine was in the bedroom calling her BF, her battery went instantly flat and the Ganesh woman appeared like she was her damn screensaver. I mean WTF?! "I'M IN YOUR PHONE NOW BITCH!" was what I thought. 2. And another one was when Christine found out the envelope she gave contained the coin instead of the button and she was walking backwards. She must have been pissed thinking "I went through all that shit just to get dragged to Hell??? Ah f*** it!" *drops onto train tracks and gets PULLED DOWN to Hell*[/SPOILER]Let's straighten one thing out, I'm a person who absolutely HATES sudden noises and things that pop out. The bad part of it is a lot of horror movies have that element, so I stray away from them. The only horror movie I like involves zombies... Or Silent Hill, cause I made a spoof of that. So yes, I am a bloody coward and I'm not afriad to admit that. XD Besides, I spent the whole weekend trying to forget about it.
[I must have... because I ate my cheesecake after examining and poking it around for a while] XDSo yes, Drag Me To Hell IS awesome. Just a bit dumb and comical at some parts, but still. And it is definitely not for me. I'll stick to
zombie movies, thank you, like 28 Days/Weeks/ and soon to come Months Later.
I'm a bloody coward. Oh well, stay safe people. Don't piss off any old ladies. You'll never know.
Oh, on another note, I like Eminem! His Relapse album is pretty damn good.
"Let's see if you can fit your feet in my shoes, just to see, what it's like to be me. All be you, let's trade shoes. Just to see what it'd be like, to feel your pain, you feel mine. Go inside each other's mind, just to see what we find. Look at shit through each other's eyes. But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful, woah. They can all get fucked, just stay true to you so. Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful, woah. They can all get fucked, just stay true to you. Lately I've been hard to reach, I've been too long on my own. Everybody has a private world, where they can be alone... "
- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -
a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 4:10 PM
"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."
Sunday, June 7, 2009
You + Me + Camera + Pants = FIERCE
What? You think the equation YOU + ME + CAMERA + PANTS = Porn movie? Nahhh, maybe another time. But for now, the above equation (that equals to FIERCE) pretty much summed up my spontaneous and unplanned outing with Nazry yesterday.
We went shopping, hos!
Or at least, just Nazry. I was just tagging along with my gorgeous, sleek and fabulous camera.
Well, we headed down to the Peninsula first. Where Nazry got this pair of seriously gorgeous and ubercool slim-fit (not skinny) jeans. It's such a nice colour too and it complimented him nicely. After that we headed to the Esplanade where I showed Nazry the rooftop terrace, and you can imagine CAMWHORE coming your way.
After that, we journeyed to Suntec City, but seeing that there was nothing much to do there, we trained down to Bugis and looksee-d, looksee-d before eating at LJS. Whew, 5 hours of FIERCENESS is hungry, tired and exhilarating work, but thank Tyra we have the FIERCE skill, otherwise we would be lost and not smiling with our eyes.
Anyway trained home, and ended the FIERCE day. It was so FIERCE and fabulous. Haha, glad to spend the day with ya, Nazry. It was better than staying home doing Maths homework. (Nothing intended here)
Welp, in case anyone is interested, the albums I'm listening to right now are:
1. Enter Shikari, Common Dreads
2. Before Their Eyes, The Dawn Of My Death
3. Before Their Eyes, Before Their Eyes
4. The Blackout, The Best In Town ♥♥♥ [fuck awesome]
5. Black Eyed Peas, The E.N.D.
6. Placebo, Battle For The Sun
So, Hip Hop, Screamo, Rap, Rock, Alternative. This is music revolution baby... I found a site where I can download full albums. It's goddamn awesome! 3+ hours of madrad music! Something to accompany my homework. Woo.
Stay fierce, babes.
"As daylight fades, we celebrate. The end is near, your end is here. The night it brings us our fate. Knee deep in mud, we want your blood. This isn't love, this is war. This is the night we said we would be fighting for. This isn't love, this is war. This is the night we swore that we would call our own. We are the children of the night, we are the children."
- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -
a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 12:02 PM
"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Life And Death In Life
Content ahead deals with grisly topic - death. So, discretion advised.
I don't know why, these few days, I'm starting to notice a darker, more uglier side of life - death. It's not that I'm not aware of it, it's just these few days, it's becoming more apparent to me.
I admit, I've never lost a loved one, nor have I met with the death of a loved one [and I certainly hope I don't], so when I hear of losses like these, I can only sympathize, I can't empathize. It makes me feel shorthanded when it comes to this experience.
And after news of recent events, I feel at a loss and bad for someone. I want to do something, but I don't know what to do. But all I can say is we're here for you, we'll be there for you. It's a pity, and I'm sorry. But I hope you'll be well and safe. Take care.Well, another case was rather disturbing in my eyes. I saw a dead dog today when I brought my dog to the vet. In that one hour, I saw fear, anxiety, anguish and depression and dejection. I can't describe fully, but the worried words "He's not breathing" and the image of a vet nurse carrying a big dog into the clinic, head lolling around lifelessly, tongue dangling out, it haunts my mind.
Later, after closing hours and when my dog was about to be hospitalized for the night and my mom was busy coaxing my dog to eat, I happened to look through a door. There was this young boy playing with the sliding door, I didn't think much of it until he opened the door and I saw the same dog lying on the operating table, eyes closed, mouth opened. It looked like it was sleeping. But it was dead.
It's family was all around it. I saw this young girl, her vision in level with the dog on the operating table top, and she was crying. Her grieving was louder than her family's (minus the boy), who shed silent tears. I think this was a huge emotional blow to her. I admit, I cried when I saw that dog. Even though it wasn't mine, I cried. I don't know why, it as just painful to see a family cry over a loved one, and it's painful to me to see a dog dead.
The first real death I've ever seen.
Before I left, I caught a glimpse of the mother's and girl's faces. Stained with tears and just heartbreakingly tragic. They didn't just cry, they wept. I can't explain it. I later saw the family carry the body into a van in a black cloth. ... Life is cruel. Utterly, utterly painful and cruel. Why is it I see the ugly side of life now at this point in time? I'm starting to understand.
I hope that dog's family will be okay too. And I sincerely wish that that dog had a good life, like all other dogs. There's a movie called "All Dogs Go To Heaven"... Though I've never watched it, I really wish all dogs go to Heaven, as well as all the other animals.
I hope my Huttson sleeps well tonight and isn't restless, and he takes care of himself... He's a little nuisance that guy, but strong. I hope he's well.
I feel sick.
"But does anyone notice? But does anyone care? And if I had the guts to put this to your head. And would anything matter if you're already dead? And now should I be shocked by the last thing you said? Before I pull this trigger, Your eyes vacant and stained. And in saying you loved me, made things harder at best, and these words changing nothing. As your body remains, and there's no room in this hell. There's no room in the next. And our memories defeat us, and I'll end this direst. But does anyone notice? But does anyone care?"
- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -
a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 11:51 PM
"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."
Monday, June 1, 2009
SWITCH!
Yaaayyyy Chinese O's is over. Let's cut the whole tragic long story short and sweet. It was nerve-wrecking for me, but the constant drilling of mock exams helped me feel like this is like another normal Chinese exam. To the best of ability, I answered the questions as well as I could. It can't get any better than what I've done. I've probably tried harder than I did for any OTHER exam actually.
I felt good - liberated - after the paper. And pass or fail or (hopefully) scrape through with a D7-C6, I did my best. And maybe if I fail, and the anguish that follows afterward, I tried and I did my best. And just at the start of the year, I was hell-bent on making sure I skip out on this major exam.
I look back now and I can't help but smile. I tried. And I did. Thanks for all the luck, people.
But for now, on facebook, was tagged by Elva. So I instead shall do it here on the Morbid Mind [that's my blog name in case no one actually is aware of]: __________________________________________65 questions you've probably never been asked... You know the rules. Tag people in this note (including the person who tagged you) to learn more about people. Also, try to tag people whom you've tagged in other notes; sometimes you learn things in new notes that you didn't know before about them.
[as usual, I ignore this. If you wanna do, just do it]1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My feet, or my hair, or my back. 2. What colour is your favourite hoodie?
BLACK. :D3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Of course! I can't stop kissing my Huttson. ♥
4. Do you plan outfits?
I do, on some occasions.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
My eyes are exhausted, my mind is full of mixed emotions, but they all add up to make me feel apathetic.
6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
The "BAND OF THE WEEK" symbol on a magazine cut-out of My Chemical Romance. 7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having.
I can't remember... But it involved my friends and a... gun? I'm not sure.8. Did you meet anybody new today?
... Not really. I more of met people I wasn't very close with.
9. What are you craving right now?
Sleep... Yeah, sleep.
10. Do you floss daily?
No, sadly.
11.What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Vegetable...
12. Are you emotional?
*EMOSOBBS* Yes, I am.
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
No. I gave up.14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick?
Lick. Biting would send chills down my spine. Plus it hurts my two front teeth.
15. Do you like your hair?
*EMOHAIRFLIP* Why, yes, it's very sexy. :D
16. Do you like yourself?
Yeah, I guess so.
17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
... No. Why couldn't it be Gerard Way???
18. What are you listening to right now?
Juggernauts by Enter Shikari
19. Are your parents strict?
That depends on the situation at hand.20. Would you go sky diving?
F YEAHHH!!! But, no chance. : [
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Wat dat? Never tried it before.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
... Have I? Well, I've seen MCR in person... Never met them in person...
23. Do you rent movies often?
Not at all.
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
The marble floor... That's it.
25. How many countries have you visited?
... Ehhh... 7?
26. Have you made a prank phone call?
Yuss... It was re-E-tarded.
27. Ever been on a train?
Yup, MRT in Singapore, bullet train in Taiwan.
28. Brown or white egg?
WHITE EGG! :D
29.Do you have a cell/mobile phone?
Yeah, I do.30. Do you use chopsticks?
Yes.31.Can you use chopsticks?
Yes, it's almost a shame to all Asians if an Asian person can't.
32. Do you own a gun?
No... But I would like to... >__>
33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
My family...?
34. Are you too forgiving?
... Hell no. I don't forgive, I just forget.35. Ever been in love?
... Define love, if it's teenage, puppy-love, then yes.36. What is/are your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
We're all gonna go for Maths remedial, then a lit seminar then do something retarded and totally spontaneous after that! :D We need lives, seriously.37. Ever had cream puffs?
Yes, they rule with their soft creamy filling.
38. Last time you cried?
Yesterday night.
39. What was the last question you asked?
"Have you brought Huttson down?" - Michelle to her mother concerning her dog.
40. Favourite time of the year? I don't actually have one. I enjoy each day as it comes.
41. Do you have any tattoos?
Nope, maybe later.
42. Are you sarcastic?
Ah ha, that's a very nice question to ask. Ten points to Gyffindor, ya smart dumbass. Yes, I am.
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
No...
44. Ever walked into a wall?
I ran into a mirror. Curse the Mirror maze in the Singapore Discovery/Science Centre...
45. Favourite color?
Red. 46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Why, yes.
47. Is your hair curly?
Straight and sexy, baby.
48. What was the last CD you bought?
The Black Parade is Dead! ... but that is a fux long time ago.
49. Do looks matter?
In this materialistic, shallow and narrow-minded world? Yes, unfortunately. Have you seen Susan Boyle at her debut?
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
All will be taken into account. It depends, seriously.51. Is your phone bill sky high?
No, I don't live on my phone that much.
52. Do you like your life right now?
It's not that bad, but it can get better.53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Yeah, I did that a couple of times in my preteens.
54. Can you handle the truth?
The cold, unforgiving, hard and heart-shattering truth? Bring it here, bitch.
55. Do you have good vision?
My spectacles and eye deficiencies say "no".
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
More or less, give or take.
57. How often do you talk on the phone?
Ehhh, 15 minutes on average? It depends on the core subject, if it's homework - 15 minutes. If's it retarded crap, it can go up to 2 hours...
58. The last person you held hands with?
... Uh, who was the last guy I held hands with at some camp?
59. What are you wearing?
White shirt, orange pants.
60.What is your favourite animal?
DOGS. :DDDD
61. Where was your default picture taken at?
Facebook pic? At the Marina Bay food court.
62. Can you hula hoop?
Yes, though not for long.63. Do you have a job?
No... I plan on getting one later after my O's though.
64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Azira's bithrday present - A SKIRT.
65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes. Break through is more like it. Sighhh~ You gotta love those Sec 2 literature play days._____________________________________I need sleep. And to clear up my desk of every single Chinese material. Yay, now just Oral and Listening Compre to get over and I'll live."Make a move and they all start walking. Say you would and they all start talking. I don't care if you're real or faking. Never mind all these hearts you're breaking. You fool, heartbreak, She'll take everything and she'll cut you in two. You bruise, heartbreak, so easy to get you, so easy to lose."
- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -
a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 10:13 PM
"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."
