Argh.

Definitely can say I'm feeling bitter and disappointed.

Didn't make the cut for it.

I wanted it badly... Really badly. But that's not helping is it...

No matter how hard or how much you try, someone's ALWAYS better than you. Then why do I bother so much when I live by this law?

I should stop. I should really stop.

"I feel insane every single time I'm asked to compromise. Cause I'm afraid, I'm stuck in my ways. And that's the way it stays..."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 8:16 PM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

I watched Sweeney Todd. And for all the bleeders who may be reading this, he's waiting, and we're ready.

And I must say, it is incredible. A very delicious, macabre, bloody, gory and canniblistic piece of dark art. It's beautiful. So dark and gruesome, but yet with style and "humour". It's just amazing, purely amazing. The movie was 70% singing... But the songs were pretty nice. The plot was fantastic and everything was so... cool.

I really don't get why it has to be (presumed) M18 or even R... It's not freaky at all, compared to all the serious shit I've seen with these pair of eyes.

It's a serious must-watch, if you're the type for dark, cold, vengeful crime and musical shows. Or if you're bored and you feel like watching something different and ... odd.

I wish the ending wasn't so abrupt. Wanted to see more really, so much I hungered for it... ( had a little craving for a meat pie halfway throughout the show XD ). If the DVD's or soundtrack is out, I would so want it. MY BRITHDAY WISH for if you guys feel generous around 5th APRIL. =D Get the hint?

Lol, nah. I can get it myself. Oh the DVD will be so glorious and perfect... Especially if they have English subtitles! =D

Movies aside, life's ok. School's ok, homework's still do-able and alright... It's the teachers I love and the conflict / drama I'm startin to grow sick off.

Teacher-wise, I really like my Chemistry teacher. I don't know why, but I really am getting to like love this guy ( Mr Goth CJ ). I mean, he's so awesome! He doesn't push hard to get to know us ( in fact I wonder does he even know any of us... or if he even bothers ) and he gives us little breaks... Aw... And not to mention he also hasn't used the texbook to bore the shit outta us. To top it all off, he's funny.

He's a good teacher. And the copying of notes were sure handy. And he doesn't force us to sit in our resgistered numbers during practical, isn't that awesome?! He's such a nice guy. Safe to say he's better than most of the teachers I have and used to have.

Conflict and arguments-wise, it's still going strong for you guys isn't it? It's so hard to concentrate on talking to either one of you without feeling the negative aura and electricity sparking off forest fire-like emotions you know...

And you admit to being pretenders as well. Well, if everyone's a hypocrite, I don't know what to do or say or think anymore. And if everyone's gossiping about "we never liked her at first" or "is that her? That one?", life's no longer that nice isn't it?

I wonder if you guys really do like me... Or if you really did care. Cause the world seems to be filled with people who are filled with shit.

Well, this is a good reason why "WE ALL DESERVE TO DIE". Thanks, Sweeney.

"Because the lives of the wicked should be made brief, for the rest of us death will be a relief. We all deserve to die. ... Sweeney's waiting. I want you bleeders."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 12:52 AM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

Somehow rules don't seem to apply to us anymore.

... I don't think I'm gonna get anywhere much.

But that two hours of talking nonstop crap with Nazry, Zhi Qing and Wei Zhe was fun.

21st December 2012. The signs seem to be true.

So, where will you be at the end of the world?

"We're damned after all. Through fortune and flame we fall. And if you can stay then I'll show you the way, to return from the ashes you call."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 10:26 PM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

Was I really that bad to you?

Did I really get that angry with you?

Did I really push you aside?

Did I really ignore you?

I guess I kinda was huh?

Sorry. There's nothing wrong with you, the problems and flaws lie in me. But if I was that terrible to you, why do you keep being with me? Do you really want more pain and hurt to come?

For a friend, you're a very good one. But you choose the wrong people to be friends with. And the in the term "wrong ones" I refer to me.

It seems I only inflict more pain and suffering on people more than myself. I'm a sorry excuse for a person. And I can't change that, even if I tried my hardest. So what do you want to do now? Cause whatever you choose, it'll never change me. I'll always be the angry, ignorant and despicable bastard you look at day in day out.

I'm sorry. And happiness to you and everyone else who has that friendship problem with me.

"And would you pray for me?
(You don't know a thing about my sins, how the misery begins)
Or make a saint of me?
(You don't know, so I'm burning, I'm burning)
And will you lay for me?
(You don't know a thing about my sins, how the misery begins)
And make a saint of me?
(You don't know, cause I'm burning, I'm burning)"

And for all the terrible things I've done to you, said to you, thought about you. I sincerely apologize. I'm an ignorant bastard, sometimes I don't know or know I've hurt you so. Sorry. It won't be easy to forget, and you'll probably never forgive. But that's ok. Because I don't deserve to know good friends like you either.

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 1:21 PM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

Well. Second week's gone by. It's pretty fast... but rather slow and insecure.

Wonder how sec 4's gonna be like. Or even O' Levels for that sake. Must be one pretty big, terrible piece of a tough cookie.

We've covered pretty fast, but I somehow feel we're slowing behind the other classes. And... Covering a few chapters of work that I can barely understand and BAM! We're onto other chapters without clarifying each and everyone of them.

I think they've jumped like, five levels of stress from sec two to three. Wonder how we managed to cope with it all. And it's only the second-onto-third week. Amazing, but true. If stress really does give you grey hair, then by the end of this year, my scalp would probably glow at night.

I wonder how I can put all of that holy guy's ( I hope this isn't disrespectful calling him this... ) advice to good use. I find it easily to lose my temper and snap at people easily. God, this pains me.

It was entirely my decision. My fault. My flaws. She was just a cover-up for my mistake, my anguish, my pitiful, insincere(?) guilt. A lovely, stupid blunder I made from the first year onwards. How I put up with my own errors and faults was a miracle that pulled me all the way here. Now I wonder how it'll go in the new "path" I've chosen. I hope I don't trip and regret choosing that path, worst comes to worst, even wish I never did take that new path.

I'm a bloody, no-good, stupid, useless cheating liar. Useless cheating liar. Useless cheating lair. Damn you, Michelle. Damn you. Go to hell, Michelle. You should burn and burn and brun in hell, where they'll laugh and call you the "USELESS CHEATING LIAR" YOU ARE!!!

I think... No, I know... I might just crash and burn halfway through this year. Everything just seems so hard. I wanted to be hardworking, but it's hard now. Or is it another sorry lame excuse to use? Can't even tell what's going on anymore.

What's wrong with me?

"But can't tell if i've been breathing or sleeping or screaming or waiting for the man to call, and maybe all of the above. 'Cause moslty i've been sprawled on these Cathedral steps, while spitting out the blood and screaming 'SOMEONE SAVE US!'"

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 12:55 AM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

I found this on Farhan's blog... So why not? The first survey of 2oo8. Before school.

Name 12 people you can think ofrightoff the top of your head. Don't readthe questions underneath until youwrite the names of all 12 people.
This is a lot funnier if you actuallyrandomly list the names first.. Nocheatin.

1. Gerard Way
2. Ray Toro
3. Bob Bryar
4. Mikey Way
5. Frank Iero
6. Brian Molko
7. Sweeney Todd...? (STFU)
8. Sarah
9. Charlotte
10. Zhi Qing
11. Azira
12. Li Qing

DON 'T LOOK AHEAD UNLESS YOU FILLED UP

HOW DID EUU MEET #12?
* In school.

WHAT WOULD EUU DO IF #2 AND # 6 WEREGOING OUT?
* Be freaked. But yet intrigued.

HOW OLD IS #8 ?
* 14.

WHAT WOULD EUU DO IF #12 CONFESSED THEYLOVE YOU ?
* Ahhahahaa... No. Never.

WHO IS #10'S BEST FRIEND?
* Ms Xu! The Retard Gang! Us!

HAVE EUU EVER EATEN AROUND WITH #1?
* Never... He's farr away right now... T__T

DO EUU MISS #5?
* NO! I miss #1! T___T

WHO IS #11 DATING?
* I don't know... Good books?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF #3?
* He's an awesome drummer. Get well soon, Bob.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF #9?
* She is the greatest person that I have gotten to know.

WHO DOES #2 LIKE?
* His girlfriend, Christa. Checked from mcrrmy.com

WOULD EUU MARRY #11?
* Nooo, she deserves someone (of the opposite sex!) better.

HAVE EUU GONE OUT WIDD #2 && #3 ?
* No... I never even got to say hi to them... But I wouldn't mind going out with them. XD

WOULD EUU WANT #10 , #11 && #12 TO HATEEACH OTHER ?
* Oh hell no. That would result in total shit.

WHAT WOULD EUU DO IF #8 && #9 ARE TOGETHER ?
* In a relationship? Be weirded out... But in friendship, whatever.

HAVE #4 HAD A CRUSH ON #12 ?
* I seriously doubt they know each other's names. Let alone each other.

WOULD #7 ASK A DATE FROM #6?
* Well. Now THAT is interesting.

WHAT WOULD EUU DO IF #1 SAYS DHAT SHE/HEWANTS TO KILL HIMSELF/HERSELF ?
* Scream. Sob. Pray that he wouldn't. Because Gerard Way was near to that once... But he's a strong man now. What a hero. ♥ ♥ ♥
_____________________

1. How tall are you barefoot?` 1-5-something CM.

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?` Nope.

3. Do you own a gun?` No, but I would so love to!

4. Rehab?` Nope.

5. Do you get nervous before "meetingthe parents"?` Guess so.

6. What do you think of your friends?` Aw, they're retarded little bitches. But they're awesome.

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?` Jingle belles, Batman smells. Robin laid an egg...

8. What do you prefer to drink in themorning?` Nothing. I'll feel rather sick after that.

9. Do you do push-ups?` Occasionally. Boy-style, girl-style.

10. Have you ever done ecstacy?` Pain is my ecstasy.

11. Are you vegetarian?` Nope.

12. Do you like painkillers?` Never tried them before.

13. What is your secret weapon to lurein the opposite sex?` Sense of humour, music taste.

14. Do you own a knife?` Nope. Get it in the kitchen.

15. Do you have H.I.V.?` Oh, I hope I never do.

16. Date Of Birth?` 5 April 1993

17. Top 3 thoughts at this exactmoment:` How am I gonna wake up tomorrow. How am I going to carry all my schoolbooks to school tomorrow. How am I gonna get through tomorrow.

18. Name the last 3 things you havebought?` Sweeney Todd book, Sensual Phrase Vol. 2, 5 stacks of foolscap paper.

19. Name five drinks you regularlydrink:` Water. Coffee. Orange juice. ... That's all I know.

20. What time did you wake up today?` 12.27 PM

21. Current hair?` Very short, very spiky.

22. Current worry?` How am I gonna wake up tomorrow?

23. Current hate?` How I wasted my holidays.

24. Favorite place to be?` Kinokuniya! (But with loads of money)

25. Least favorite place to be?` A spectator of a conflict.

26. Where would you like to go?` Japan! Goddamnit, JAPAN! (or America)

27. Do you own slippers?` Yes. All two pairs of them.

28. What do you think you'll be in 10yrs?` I honestly don't know.

29. Do you burn or tan?` Burn and tan. It's a... multitasking thing.

30. Last thing you ate?` Apple.

31. Would you be a pirate?` Aye, Cap'N! The sea is my one true love! Maybe.

32. Last time you had an alcoholicdrink?` Not so long ago. There was alcohol in the egg dish...

33. What songs do you sing in theshower?` Whatever song I can make up.

34. What did you fear was going to getyou at night as a child?` So many scary creatures...

36. Last thing that made you laugh?` That recent LF2 fight my bro and I played.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?` That long gash on my leg. I tore it and it bleeded for... a long time. All that blood, all that blood... Aye.

40. How many TVs do you have in yourhouse?` 3.

41. Who is your loudest friend?` Char-lot-te.

42. Who is your most silent friend?` Izza. From what I know.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?` Heh. Who would like a lifeless bastard like me?

44. Do you wish on stars?` Sometimes. I ask them if they could make my life better.

45. What is your favorite book?` The Interview With The Vampire.

46. What is your favorite candy?` Foxy's Sweets!

47. What song do/did you want playedat your wedding?` Anything fun and fresh... Or My Chemical Romance. XD

48. What song do you want played atyour funeral?` Anything sad... or quiet. Or My Chemical Romance. Ooh! Ooh! I know! Play "Desert Song" before "Dead!" Lalalalala...

49. What were you doing 12AM lastnight?` Photoediting. I kinda forgot about the countdown.

50. Do you love someone?` I love Gerard Way unquestioningly.
__________________

I seriously wonder how I'm going to wake up tomorrow...

"I'll photocopy all the things that we could be, if you took the time to notice me. But you can't now, I don't blame you. And it's not your fault that no one ever does."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 9:31 PM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

"Singing songs that make you slit your wrists,
It isn't that much fun..."

M N. 5th of the April. 17. Singapore. Female. Facebook. Tumblr.

Ex-Chongfu Primary. / Ex-CHAS.
Graduated Orchid Park Secondary:
Ex-Drama. Ex-Debater. Ex-Student Councillor. Ex-1A3-ian. Once-and-forever-2A3-ian. Ex-3A1-ian. Ex-PROUD-4A1-ian.

NGEE ANN FMS MCM [mass comm] T107/T102. RADIOHEATWAVE.COM Radio DJ. STAGE 52.

IN A RELATIONSHIP ♥

FYI, I quote a LOT of lyrics.

NOT emo, just tends to be more depressed than I'd like.
NOT a rocker, but loves to rock out.
NOT so sure i know who i am.
SUFFERS from Dermatillomania
a passionate LOVE for the colour RED
& PROUD TO BE A freak. Are you?

1. Love myself.
2. Self-Acceptance.
3. Eradicate insecurities.
4. Not to care.
5. Work hard in school.
6. Start over.
7. Take it slow.
8. Keep promises.
9. GPA >3.8 [yr 1.2,1.1,2.2,2.1,3.2]
10. To be MISERABLE and HAPPY.


"If it's not enough, try again. And again. Over and over again."

[[ WaNTS && WiSHES ]]

(1) Gorillaz - Plastic Beach
(2) 30STM - This Is War
(3) New Headphones
(4) Those new JEANS
(5) A Teenage Dream

Alex. :)♥ (my bumbling idiot)

HUTTSON My poopoo DOGGIE. ♥♥♥

BANDS :: MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE. Placebo. Marilyn Manson. 30 Seconds to Mars. Avenged Sevenfold. Linkin Park. Gorillaz. The Blackout. The Academy Is... Fall Out Boy. Bullet For My Valentine. Before Their Eyes. Lady Gaga. Just to name a VERY few...

HEROES :: GERARD WAY. TDK Joker. Jared Leto. Brian Molko. Draco Malfoy. 2D. Gerard Way. ♥ XD

Dilemmas.
The conflict.
Inner conflict.
Prejudiced people.
BUGS.

2A3-ians ♥ We Rock. Like Hell.
3/4A1-ians Over speed limit :D
Shoethrowers ♥ FAMILY
Apphia! :D :D :D Hee.
Azira A-zi-zi-ziraaaa! ♥ xD
Elizabeth ♥!
Elva VaVa :D
Farhan
Gavin
Isabelle
Jessica :D :D :D
Joanne ♥ XD
Joel is a legend!
Kenn Ninjaboy :D
Keng Ying CUZZIN! :D
Li Qing :DDD!
Matin! :D So cuute!
Nazry BiTCH!♥
Pearlyn So cute. :D
Rui Shuin Mah Couzin :D
Safwah rocks hardcore! :D ♥
Samuel ... Moo. :D ♥
Sarah BestFriend WALRUS ♥♥♥
Sheereen :DDD She cool yo!
Shi Wei :D:D:D So rad!
Si Ying, Tan rroooccckksss. :]
Si Ying, Yeh :D
Su Min She rocks!
Su Yuan :]

"Well you can hide a lot about yourself,
But honey, what're you gonna do?
And you can sleep in a coffin,
But the past ain't through with you."

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Layout: x
Image: Beyrout

I'm nothing but a beautiful disaster,
Crying tears of blood and joy
Into this black void.
Oblivion;
It's the place to be.
Ephemeral Romance.
Will you come with me?




i want to be

BEAUTIFUL

inside