MORBID mind :: The world is as ugly as it is beautiful.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

SMSes in the Morning

I quote from the SMS I received at 08:08:10 am today (27th January 2010):

MOE:
NEO YU JIA MICHELLE, you are posted to NGEE ANN POLY, MASS COMMUNICATION (N67)
under 2010 JAE.

Oh yeah. I'm golden solid, baby.

"We're a death-marching band. Peter Pan off the wagon. Entertain but never trust anyone sober. We're tasteless but taste good. My (S)top Hat's top hat(ed). Unsafe cheerleaders with porn poms and pipe bombs. I won't do it with you, I'll do it to you. I hope this hook gets caught in your mouth. I won't do it with you, I'll do it you. Don't say no. Just say now. I like a big car, cause I'm a big star. I make a big rock and roll hit. I'd like to love you.but my heart is a sore. I am, I am, I am so yours. Ka-boom, ka-boom. Ka-boom, ka-boom."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 8:31 AM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

Friday, January 15, 2010

wouldn't you too, sweetheart?

O LEVELS ARE OVER!
O LEVEL RESULTS ARE OVER!
MY APPLICATION FOR JAE?

OVER!

And let's be honest, since the day I received my results I've been stressing so hard over which path to walk on. Whenever talking to a friend or so about which route is more beneficial for me to take, a frustrated and confused frown would constantly cloud my face, and inside I grow more confused and stressed over what I truly want to do or be in life.

Well, after spending a long time in school today talking to various teachers about their JC experience and hearing what they had to say about how they personally felt about me, I finally decided to trust them and take the Poly route. I did include JC's in my JAE application as well though, because I should always be open, and there could possibly be chances I could squeeze into them, perhaps? But nonethless, my mind's made up, my grades are final, and everything else I leave up to MOE, playing Fate in this little theatre show called MY FUTURE, and hopefully they'll work things out right for me.

But thus now, I shall divulge in private (well, not really) information to all about my darling 12 choices in my JAE app.

I. Mass Communication (NP)
II. St. Andrews’ JC (Arts)
III. Veterinary Technology (TP)
IV. Veterinary Bioscience (NP)
V. Anderson JC (Arts)
VI. Catholic JC (Arts)
VII. Creative Writing for TV and New Media (SP)
VIII. Communications & Media Management (TP)
IX. Film, Sound & Video (NP)
X. Interior Architechure & Design (TP)
XI. Interior Design (SP)
XII. Yishun JC (Arts)

Well, that's pretty much it. I have interest in the Poly courses above, but whichever route I'm to take, there's both successes and failures to come my way. In JC, there's Chinese that I'm going to fail for sure again... But I'll embrace it, and I'm going to persevere whichever way and get a degree in the end. Maybe fight for a PhD or a Masters Degree later? I don't know, that remains to be seen. But anyhoo, yes, this is what I'm going to do.

MASS COMMUNICATION [media/business] @ NGEE ANN POLY, get ready to see my face! Unless something else happens and twists the long turn of events to come, oh well.

Well, I've got till April to work. : ] Must get music CDs and a new computer/laptop, my current one now reverts back to Jan 1 2001 at 0000hrs whenever I turn it on... GOD IT'S BLEEDING ANNOYING.

"Shawty, what your name is? Them hustlas keep on talkin', they like the way I'm walkin'. You saying that you want me, so press record I'll let you film me. On your video phone, make a cameo. Tape me on your video phone, I can handle you. Watch me on your video phone, on your video, video. If you want me you can watch me on your video phone. I love how you approach me: fresh white with your pants hangin' grown man low. Everything you sayin' soundin' good to me. No need to convince me anymore. Swag up, it's bright, one blade, it's tight, and I smell your cologne in the air. Baby you doin' something right, you just canceled every other man here."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 1:30 AM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

SO ALIVE!!!

Going to school is a normal routine for many, but going back to school to retrieve results of our O Level results? That's a different thing altogether. And I'm so glad I went back to school with my closest and most beloved friends: The Shoethrowers [Zhi Qing, Charlotte, Azira, Sarah, Praise & Nicolette, Samuel]. We lunched on canteen food, indulging in our last school meal before we went around school, wandering aimlessly, talking, laughing, crapping, camwhoring.

Like we always did. And I hope when we meet, we always will.

Then 1400 hours hit the reality time clock, and we were to proceed to the hall. What came soon enough was a whirlpool of chaos and disorder, but in the midst of this perfect storm, almost everyone came out alright.

Tears of joy, tears of pain. Cries of pure bliss, cries of anguish.

In the hall of Orchid Park Secondary School, once again the scene plays itself over. Like so many batches before our own, they've gotten their O Level results, and they've done what we've done. Cried, scream, jumped for joy, happy-danced, ran around, crumbled to the floor in shock and sometimes disbelief, called their loved ones, been in total disbelief... Everything they've done, we did.

It was the day we got back our O Levels... Yesterday, or rather 12 hours ago (I write this at 2.02 am on 12th Jan '10), and the hall was full of excitement and apprehensive, the atmosphere was electric and contagious. We were all ablaze with nervous energy, so afriad but so eager to get our results. The wait was torturous and gruesome, but we waited it out by being entertained by the Principal's speech and stuff.

They presented the National Average first. After some comparisons and such, we moved on to top students. The Sec 5NA went first, with the two top students, then came to the express batch, and they started with the people with 5 distinctions to the one with 7 distinctions.

When they came to the 6 distinctions... I was so shocked, SO SHOCKED to see my name in lights.

6 Distinctions
1. Neo Yu Jia Michelle ... 4A1

Right underneath KOH LIANG JIANG (congrats to him!) who scored 7 distinctions and who is the top student in OPSS, which effectively makes me the second top student in OPSS. You can't imagine the insanity I went through, I was too happy to cry, too shocked to say anything comprehensible. I was in such a state of shock, too stunned to think right.

But I admittedly am not that completely surprised, because Ms Soo was dropping hints to me over lunch that she was "very proud of [me]" and even asked me "how many distinctions [did I expect". So I could tell that I did do well, but I never imagined this well. 3 A1's, 3 A2's and a bleeding C6 that I'm very proud of. I never thought I'd do this well.

AND TO THINK! After the O Levels, we were whining and wailing over how we screwed up so badly! We cried over it, we dreamt about it, we cringed and hyperventilated over it! And look at where we are, look at what we've accomplished, look at what we've done, look at what we got!

This feeling of truimph... it's beautiful. Knowing that I've done well for almost every examination I sat for in OPSS, and the prelims, and now my O Level's... It's an amazing and authetic feeling that is just truly priceless. Just like having great teachers, awesome friends, wonderous tutors who worked miracles on me... My whole sec 4 experience was just... breathtaking. Priceless. Real. Beautiful.

My Maths tutor once told me that we get what we deserve.

I know I deserved this.

And now the question that brews on everyone's mind, they desperately seek to ask themselves and others as well: Poly or JC? If so, which one?

I don't know what my heart is trying to tell me, through this hazy fog that clouds my mind and prevents me from thinking right. I'm so scared of both ways that I can go, I'm so afriad of the future but I'm dying to live it. I don't want to grow up and leave Secondary School, but I already have, and I have to grow up. Now my life truly begins, and people tell me to forget about the past. How can I? The past is what made me the person I am today, and the person I am today will make my future.

Congradulations to everyone who did well. And to those who didn't do so well, it's not the end of the road. It never is.
"You say that I'm the only one. You say that I'm your Number One. Now you're gone and I feel numb. Tell me where did we go wrong. You were my best friend and boyfriend, now it's seems like you're my worst friend. I gotta do soul searching. Without you I'm a whole different person, I ain't acting like I used to. I don't feel loved like I used to. It was your love I was used to... Why do I had to lo-lo-lo-lose your love, your love, your love? Your love is what it was that have me feeling buzzed. You are my true love."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 1:51 AM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

Thursday, January 7, 2010

this is war.

I think everyone already knows. Especially the 2009 sec 4's and sec 5's.
Seen it?

2009 GCE O Level Release Results.
11th January 2010
2 pm ; 1400 hrs
Your school hall

(or wherever you're supposed to gather)

Nervous? Excited? Freaked out? Confident? Fearful? Anxious?

Ready?

I'm not. But the countdown's already begun. 3 days left.

We get what we deserve.

"No matter how many times did you told me you wanted to leave. No matter how many breaths that you took, you still couldn't breathe. No matter how many nights did you lie wide awake to the sounds of poison rain. Where did you go? Where did you go? Where did you go? Heartbeat, a heartbeat. I need a heartbeat, a heartbeat. Tell me would you kill to save a life? Tell me would you kill to prove you're right? Crash, crash, burn, let it all burn. This hurricane's chasing us all underground. No matter how many deaths that I die, I will never forget. No matter how many lies that I live, I will never regret. There is a fire inside, of this heart and a riot about to explode into flames."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 11:57 PM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

Friday, January 1, 2010

Oh, oh, Nine.

I know it's already 1 hour and 34 minutes into the new decade of this (not-so) new millenia, but I just have to reminisce about 2009. It was definitely one of the greatest years of my life (and I'm only 16!)

Effectively, like every single year has done for me, 2009 has made me laugh, cry, scream, yell, do stupid things, fall, break down, jump around, go crazy, fall helplessly in love, appreciate, hate, love, dance etc. The list goes on forever because in the last year it was just so amazing.

You guys and this blog has played a dear, dear role in making it one of the greatest years ever. So, in honour of 2009, I'm gonna take a surreptitious look at all the eventful events that happened. Many memories may not be mentioned, some others forgotten, but I'll always remember that exquisite and endearing feeling of knowing that 2009 was a bittersweet but beautiful year. brace yourself, because this is about to be filled with nostalgic, chaotic, disorganized and sentimental valued shit.

2009 - only my friends and I will get it.

Remember how every single 2008 sec 3 was nervous for the year? I told you guys that we had to buckle up and rock out if we would survive the O Level year... Or being Sec 4 for that matter as well.

4A1!!! All our teachers wanted us to study hard and work hard... And 4A1 got so many interesting punishments. Foyer our new classroom. Vocab corrections. Jumping jacks and push-up positions. Singing after recess for being late. So many bittersweet and painful memories. But still so fun! And us being the sole winners of Racial Harmony-National Day competition... Our class spirit that day was brimming, and our first and only class party! It was truly amazing. Graduation Day was a momentus occasion as well. I will miss you all very dearly. We had such a phenomenal time...

TEACHERS OF OPSS WHO TAUGHT ME!!! I am positively and entirely grateful for the care and concern you've shown me over the years. How you've helped me grow my potential, how you've helped me work hard towards what I want, how you've talked to me and made me see things of myself that I never knew... Thank you so much for caring and nuturing me to be the person I am today. I am honoured and proud to say that I have amazing teachers from OPSS who have taught me. I'm definitely coming back to visit.

DRAMA SYF 2009!!! Fuck the Silver award, we deserved way more than that. The Drama club had the amazing Nobody dance, following tradition. And to know that we did our best and had so much fun day in and day out during rehearsals and such... We were so happy like FUCKS, yeahh... And to know Ms Adelynn Tan more is a complete honour for me. One of the greatest people you will ever meet and will forever love. I know I will.

DEBATE! Oh, one of the truly most inspiring and amazing experiences that I will forever cherish. Thank you so much Berton and my friends for supporting me and being with me during this incredible rollercoaster journey of loop-de-loops and ups and downs. The whole debate experience was truly enriching and has helped me grow so much in person and in charisma. Though in the end things didn't work out as well as we hoped for, in my eyes we're all winners. And totally outlandish and amazing talkers as well.

MY 16TH BIRTHDAY! GOD that 5th April was amazing. I've never felt so loved and appreciated before, but you guys just made me feel truly amazing and happy. In that one day everything was so chaotic and disorganized but I loved every second of it nonetheless. I was surprised all right, but thank you so much once again. It warms my heart. Truly it does. : )

LITERATURE CLASS ANTICS! Oh my goddd, I love every lit lesson. Remember going for incredibly boring seminars? Where they did nothing but recap everything that we knew??? And when the real boring seminar speaker-guy told me I was not allowed to question the logic of anything in Literature for that matter. Screw you Shakespeare... Remember Ashton was suddenly the guy that everybody loved? We wanted so badly to camwhore with him, but he was so shy! AHHH! So many great memories, you guys. Especially with the four jokers, our best friend Bob Ewell and Mrs Rupesh... And we were unwanted in the school for the whole year because we kept switching venues for our lessons.

CHINESE O LEVELS! ... Seriously, I hated it. But lucky for me I had my wonderful Chinese tuition teacher who turned me, a consistent F9-er to a C6-er. I PASSED CHINESE!! AWW YEAHHH BITCHES. But seriously, Chinese, if I didn't have such a hard time understanding and learning you, I would have actually enjoyed getting to learn more about you. But, since I don't, screw you, Chinese.

DPA! ... >:/ Skip.

PRELIMS / O LEVELS. Studying for both were killers. These two major exams broke down pretty much everyone who studied hard for it. They dragged us all down, and when we all thought we would never survive and get it over with... It's over. Woooo. Just like that... Night studying was a fun thing to do, though.

COUNCIL!!! Now this deserves quite a long memory-jog. My god, I loved my time in council. Being an upper sec councillor was a better experience than being lower sec, but still it was a brilliant and dear time I had being in the student council. We had so many laughs and cries, so many successes and failures, so much randomosity... But damn the H1N1... We couldn't have our SCI 2009, and the sec 3's said farewell to us when we weren't around. We're not dead, you guys. And then there's our beloved Kota Tinggi camp! Oh, my. So much craziness and love ♥ from everyone...

For everyone, OPSS or whatever reading this, being a councillor from 2006-2009 was definitely a very good experience. Sure, there were mnay times of frustration and high tension from conflicts with other students, but when you overlook all of the negative things, you realize that being a councillor has helped with self-esteem and responsibility. It nutures you as a leader and a team-member as well. Plus you get your own council room to relax in. I'm gonna miss that room, as much as I miss the council that I originally detested, but came to love with all my heart. OPSS STUDENT COUNCIL FTW!!!

PROM!!! Awesome, awesome night. Need I say more?

MY FRIENDS!!! I write this to the Shoethrowers, my classmates, my outside friends, tutors, the friends that I've just recently made (Thailand boy!). My heart is aching with sincerity and genuine gratitude as I write this, I am very thankful to have you as my friends. You have supported me through the times when I was down. You have shared your jokes and spread laughter to me and made me feel so much better. You have talked to me and gave me the pleasure of your company, you gave me so much love and understanding and gifts and such... I am eternally grateful for all of the wonderful times we've shared. You're the reason why 2009 was a beautiful year for me. And in return, I will be there for you. Just call/email/SMS/facebook. Keep in touch, guys. Because I swear I will this year. New Year's Resolution, ma.

AFTER O'S! Getting a job. Well, I have to admit, I do enjoy this job I'm working in. It's given me the valuable lesson of being independent and service-oriented. It also pays (just got paycheck heh-heh-heh...).

LOVE LIFE! Well, admittedly earlier this year I was still into C. Then I moved onto a rather unlikely prospect, but that didn't work out as well. I cried over him too, and after that I focused on my O Levels'. Meh, studies come first. Always.

MYSELF AND I. Have I actually figured out who I am? What traits and characteristics I exactly have? Have I discovered much about myself? Do I love myself? Well, I can't exactly say I've found and figured out who I am yet, but I'm enjoying this journey of self-discovery. Sure I've gotten depressed quite a number of times in o9... But I've definitely grown as a person and learnt a lot about myself during 2009, and I'm hoping to finally find acceptance within myself. I know I will, it's just a matter of when.

2010
So what will the future hold? Who knows. But I've always believed things will work out in the end, we've just got to BELIEVE and TRUST it. Hard work and effort is always important. And waiting for the O Level results is a real nerve-wrecker, but I think we'll all be okay. And after that, JC or Poly?

For now, I'm just gonna enjoy whatever time I have left before a new school and story begins. I think we all should, being kids and being stupid.

I know it's late. But Happy New Year 2010, everyone. : ]

"Groove slam, work it back. Space Cowboy just play that track. Gaga in the room, so starstruck. Cherry cherry cherry cherry, boom boom. Rollin' up to the club on the weekend, stylin' out to the beat that you're freakin'. Fantasize on the track that you're tweakin'. Blow my heart up. Put your hands on my waist, pull the fader. Run it back with original flavor. Queue me up, I'm the twelve on your table. I'm so starstruck, so starstruck, baby could you blow my heart up? I'm so starstruck. Baby, could you blow my heart up? I'm so starstruck."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 1:34 AM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."