I don't think my Chinese Oral went very well. I can list out what I did and felt. Nervous, stuttered, forgot words, couldn't converse properly. Yeeaahhh, that's pretty much it. And damn, did I feel bad after that. If I'm lucky, I'll pass my Listening Compre and the markers would lower the standard this year... So I can pass with at least a D grade.

I need it, really really need it.

On another part... (I'm going to talk to myself more than the people reading this, so if you don't understand, I concur, I don't understand what I'm going to say to myself either but it'll make more sense to me than you)

I think... I think I need to avoid people. It's my jealously acting up again, I'm sorry. I'm starting to feel completely different, like I'm ostracizing my old self and trying to be friends with this "new" person in me, but this "new" person doesn't want to accept me. I feel so broken and torn inside of me. People tell me their problems, their cheers. I sympathize, I feel glad for them.

Somehow I think people who tell me all their woes are starting to influence my subconscious mind, suddenly I'm becoming woeful myself. This also happens with the cheery people, but I'll never be like them. I'll never be like that. I'm always myself, always me. I don't need this, I can't take this, but I keep killing myself over and over again to find acceptance that I maybe have found but can't seem to get enough of.

I need to stop. I need to avoid people. I'm starting to dislike people all over again. I have always disliked myself... No compassion for humans, after the evil things we've done we don't deserve it. I can't study or focus or think properly or put my heart into my work like I used to. I don't write like I used to. I don't write and make up stories like I used to, I don't draw skewed and ugly comic strips like I used to.

I need to avoid people. I just need to. I'm dying to be influenced by them, but it's damaging me. I need to avoid people and just be myself for a while. I need to stop stubbing cigarettes into my ashtray heart, I need to stop killing myself.

... I should stop talking to myself. People might think I'm neurotic and insane... Hahahaha. Maybe I am. I need to stop.

"You were alone before we met, no more forlorn than one could get. How could we know we had found treasure? How sinister and how correct. And it was a leap of faith I could not take. A promise that I could not make. A leap of faith I could not take. A promise that I could not make. Mi cenicero, mi cenicero. My ashtray heart. Mi corazón de cenicero. My ashtray heart. Mi cenicero, mi cenicero. My ashtray heart. Mi corazón de cenicero. ... I tore the muscle from your chest and used it to stub out cigarettes. I listened to your screams of pleasure, now watch the bedsheets turn blood red."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 5:39 PM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

"Singing songs that make you slit your wrists,
It isn't that much fun..."

M N. 5th of the April. 17. Singapore. Female. Facebook. Tumblr.

Ex-Chongfu Primary. / Ex-CHAS.
Graduated Orchid Park Secondary:
Ex-Drama. Ex-Debater. Ex-Student Councillor. Ex-1A3-ian. Once-and-forever-2A3-ian. Ex-3A1-ian. Ex-PROUD-4A1-ian.

NGEE ANN FMS MCM [mass comm] T107/T102. RADIOHEATWAVE.COM Radio DJ. STAGE 52.

IN A RELATIONSHIP ♥

FYI, I quote a LOT of lyrics.

NOT emo, just tends to be more depressed than I'd like.
NOT a rocker, but loves to rock out.
NOT so sure i know who i am.
SUFFERS from Dermatillomania
a passionate LOVE for the colour RED
& PROUD TO BE A freak. Are you?

1. Love myself.
2. Self-Acceptance.
3. Eradicate insecurities.
4. Not to care.
5. Work hard in school.
6. Start over.
7. Take it slow.
8. Keep promises.
9. GPA >3.8 [yr 1.2,1.1,2.2,2.1,3.2]
10. To be MISERABLE and HAPPY.


"If it's not enough, try again. And again. Over and over again."

[[ WaNTS && WiSHES ]]

(1) Gorillaz - Plastic Beach
(2) 30STM - This Is War
(3) New Headphones
(4) Those new JEANS
(5) A Teenage Dream

Alex. :)♥ (my bumbling idiot)

HUTTSON My poopoo DOGGIE. ♥♥♥

BANDS :: MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE. Placebo. Marilyn Manson. 30 Seconds to Mars. Avenged Sevenfold. Linkin Park. Gorillaz. The Blackout. The Academy Is... Fall Out Boy. Bullet For My Valentine. Before Their Eyes. Lady Gaga. Just to name a VERY few...

HEROES :: GERARD WAY. TDK Joker. Jared Leto. Brian Molko. Draco Malfoy. 2D. Gerard Way. ♥ XD

Dilemmas.
The conflict.
Inner conflict.
Prejudiced people.
BUGS.

2A3-ians ♥ We Rock. Like Hell.
3/4A1-ians Over speed limit :D
Shoethrowers ♥ FAMILY
Apphia! :D :D :D Hee.
Azira A-zi-zi-ziraaaa! ♥ xD
Elizabeth ♥!
Elva VaVa :D
Farhan
Gavin
Isabelle
Jessica :D :D :D
Joanne ♥ XD
Joel is a legend!
Kenn Ninjaboy :D
Keng Ying CUZZIN! :D
Li Qing :DDD!
Matin! :D So cuute!
Nazry BiTCH!♥
Pearlyn So cute. :D
Rui Shuin Mah Couzin :D
Safwah rocks hardcore! :D ♥
Samuel ... Moo. :D ♥
Sarah BestFriend WALRUS ♥♥♥
Sheereen :DDD She cool yo!
Shi Wei :D:D:D So rad!
Si Ying, Tan rroooccckksss. :]
Si Ying, Yeh :D
Su Min She rocks!
Su Yuan :]

"Well you can hide a lot about yourself,
But honey, what're you gonna do?
And you can sleep in a coffin,
But the past ain't through with you."

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Image: Beyrout

I'm nothing but a beautiful disaster,
Crying tears of blood and joy
Into this black void.
Oblivion;
It's the place to be.
Ephemeral Romance.
Will you come with me?




i want to be

BEAUTIFUL

inside