Content ahead deals with grisly topic - death. So, discretion advised.

I don't know why, these few days, I'm starting to notice a darker, more uglier side of life - death. It's not that I'm not aware of it, it's just these few days, it's becoming more apparent to me.

I admit, I've never lost a loved one, nor have I met with the death of a loved one [and I certainly hope I don't], so when I hear of losses like these, I can only sympathize, I can't empathize. It makes me feel shorthanded when it comes to this experience.

And after news of recent events, I feel at a loss and bad for someone. I want to do something, but I don't know what to do. But all I can say is we're here for you, we'll be there for you. It's a pity, and I'm sorry. But I hope you'll be well and safe. Take care.

Well, another case was rather disturbing in my eyes. I saw a dead dog today when I brought my dog to the vet. In that one hour, I saw fear, anxiety, anguish and depression and dejection. I can't describe fully, but the worried words "He's not breathing" and the image of a vet nurse carrying a big dog into the clinic, head lolling around lifelessly, tongue dangling out, it haunts my mind.

Later, after closing hours and when my dog was about to be hospitalized for the night and my mom was busy coaxing my dog to eat, I happened to look through a door. There was this young boy playing with the sliding door, I didn't think much of it until he opened the door and I saw the same dog lying on the operating table, eyes closed, mouth opened. It looked like it was sleeping. But it was dead.

It's family was all around it. I saw this young girl, her vision in level with the dog on the operating table top, and she was crying. Her grieving was louder than her family's (minus the boy), who shed silent tears. I think this was a huge emotional blow to her. I admit, I cried when I saw that dog. Even though it wasn't mine, I cried. I don't know why, it as just painful to see a family cry over a loved one, and it's painful to me to see a dog dead.

The first real death I've ever seen.

Before I left, I caught a glimpse of the mother's and girl's faces. Stained with tears and just heartbreakingly tragic. They didn't just cry, they wept. I can't explain it. I later saw the family carry the body into a van in a black cloth. ... Life is cruel. Utterly, utterly painful and cruel. Why is it I see the ugly side of life now at this point in time? I'm starting to understand.

I hope that dog's family will be okay too. And I sincerely wish that that dog had a good life, like all other dogs. There's a movie called "All Dogs Go To Heaven"... Though I've never watched it, I really wish all dogs go to Heaven, as well as all the other animals.

I hope my Huttson sleeps well tonight and isn't restless, and he takes care of himself... He's a little nuisance that guy, but strong. I hope he's well.

I feel sick.

"But does anyone notice? But does anyone care? And if I had the guts to put this to your head. And would anything matter if you're already dead? And now should I be shocked by the last thing you said? Before I pull this trigger, Your eyes vacant and stained. And in saying you loved me, made things harder at best, and these words changing nothing. As your body remains, and there's no room in this hell. There's no room in the next. And our memories defeat us, and I'll end this direst. But does anyone notice? But does anyone care?"

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 11:51 PM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

"Singing songs that make you slit your wrists,
It isn't that much fun..."

M N. 5th of the April. 17. Singapore. Female. Facebook. Tumblr.

Ex-Chongfu Primary. / Ex-CHAS.
Graduated Orchid Park Secondary:
Ex-Drama. Ex-Debater. Ex-Student Councillor. Ex-1A3-ian. Once-and-forever-2A3-ian. Ex-3A1-ian. Ex-PROUD-4A1-ian.

NGEE ANN FMS MCM [mass comm] T107/T102. RADIOHEATWAVE.COM Radio DJ. STAGE 52.

IN A RELATIONSHIP ♥

FYI, I quote a LOT of lyrics.

NOT emo, just tends to be more depressed than I'd like.
NOT a rocker, but loves to rock out.
NOT so sure i know who i am.
SUFFERS from Dermatillomania
a passionate LOVE for the colour RED
& PROUD TO BE A freak. Are you?

1. Love myself.
2. Self-Acceptance.
3. Eradicate insecurities.
4. Not to care.
5. Work hard in school.
6. Start over.
7. Take it slow.
8. Keep promises.
9. GPA >3.8 [yr 1.2,1.1,2.2,2.1,3.2]
10. To be MISERABLE and HAPPY.


"If it's not enough, try again. And again. Over and over again."

[[ WaNTS && WiSHES ]]

(1) Gorillaz - Plastic Beach
(2) 30STM - This Is War
(3) New Headphones
(4) Those new JEANS
(5) A Teenage Dream

Alex. :)♥ (my bumbling idiot)

HUTTSON My poopoo DOGGIE. ♥♥♥

BANDS :: MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE. Placebo. Marilyn Manson. 30 Seconds to Mars. Avenged Sevenfold. Linkin Park. Gorillaz. The Blackout. The Academy Is... Fall Out Boy. Bullet For My Valentine. Before Their Eyes. Lady Gaga. Just to name a VERY few...

HEROES :: GERARD WAY. TDK Joker. Jared Leto. Brian Molko. Draco Malfoy. 2D. Gerard Way. ♥ XD

Dilemmas.
The conflict.
Inner conflict.
Prejudiced people.
BUGS.

2A3-ians ♥ We Rock. Like Hell.
3/4A1-ians Over speed limit :D
Shoethrowers ♥ FAMILY
Apphia! :D :D :D Hee.
Azira A-zi-zi-ziraaaa! ♥ xD
Elizabeth ♥!
Elva VaVa :D
Farhan
Gavin
Isabelle
Jessica :D :D :D
Joanne ♥ XD
Joel is a legend!
Kenn Ninjaboy :D
Keng Ying CUZZIN! :D
Li Qing :DDD!
Matin! :D So cuute!
Nazry BiTCH!♥
Pearlyn So cute. :D
Rui Shuin Mah Couzin :D
Safwah rocks hardcore! :D ♥
Samuel ... Moo. :D ♥
Sarah BestFriend WALRUS ♥♥♥
Sheereen :DDD She cool yo!
Shi Wei :D:D:D So rad!
Si Ying, Tan rroooccckksss. :]
Si Ying, Yeh :D
Su Min She rocks!
Su Yuan :]

"Well you can hide a lot about yourself,
But honey, what're you gonna do?
And you can sleep in a coffin,
But the past ain't through with you."

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Image: Beyrout

I'm nothing but a beautiful disaster,
Crying tears of blood and joy
Into this black void.
Oblivion;
It's the place to be.
Ephemeral Romance.
Will you come with me?




i want to be

BEAUTIFUL

inside