If it was one year ago, today I would be elated and rapturous and practically vomitting rainbows and flowers in my ecstatic bliss, because today is the end of Semester 1. But since we're all Sec 4s now and that is the equivalent of O Level's, I can't say I'm very happy over that... Why? 2 days (not counting today). Chinese. Mother Tongue. O. Level.

June 1st is gonna be one hell of a day. Or at least, the morning to early afternoon of June 1st. It just occurred to me that I am going to sit for a MAJOR EXAM that will be reflected on -what everybody stresses on 'our passport' to Poly/JC- the O LEVEL CERTIFICATE and I am not one bit in the least feeling prepared or like I can ace it at all. In short, I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING FOR MY O LEVELS WITHOUT STUDYING ONE SCRAP OF MATERIAL. And this is just Mother Tongue. I know I won't feel like this for my other subjects (because they're in English and that is the language I comprehend) but I just feel so insecure.

I must confess: My mother tongue sucks like hell. It hurts to know that no matter how hard I try I would not be able to reach the passing standard. Touch wood, hopefully I would this time. I really want to pass, even if it is a D7. But at this rate, I doubt I can. Touch wood, I hope I can get that grade. And if I do fail this exam - touch wood, hopefully I DON'T - Then I would have to retake, then do I go for the O Level Chinese again? Or do I switch to Syllabus B?

No one can be good at everything - though I've seen some who are, well good for them they'll go very far in life. And though all my other subjects are satisfactory, just this one subject that I keep failing and cannot - just CANNOT - seem to pass, it just hurts and worries and leaves me aching and crying. Will it ever go away?

Have I tried my very hardest, I ask of myself now. Have I really, really tried? I don't know. Two sides of me split up and say YES and NO. I should leave it up to my results, entities and everybody up there to answer what I can't bring myself to say. I think for now, I'll do what I can and just really really try my best on Monday.

Reach out for the D or C. I'm reaching out for it.

On the sidelines, I've got my results from SA1, pretty much the last school exam I'll be taking if I don't count my prelims. I'm pretty pleased with it, but there's always room for improvement.

SUBJECT / CA / SA / COMBINED / GRADE
1. English / 63.9 / 61.8 / 62.6 / B4
2. Chinese / 32 / 34 / 33.3 / F9 [fuck]
3. A Maths / 78.1 / 68.5 / 72.1 / A2
4. E Maths / 77.6 / 88.6 / 84.5 / A1
5. Science / 76.4 / 79.1 / 78.1 / A1
6. Humanities / 75.9 /69.0 / 71.6 / A2
7. Literature / 59 / 70 / 65.9 / B3
Civic & Moral Ed.: A [w.t.h. is this?]

Percentage: 66.9%
Level position: 22/211
L1R4: 10
L1R5: 13

Comments: Michelle is an affable, conscientious student who is a joy to teach. She has done relatively well this semester. However she must work very hard for CL and aim to pass the subject. On the whole, good job Michelle but aim for better!

... Aim to pass...? D7's a pass to me. Or anything better than a Fucking 9.

I'm going to need a bleeding miracle.

"Why are these lights so bright? Oh, did we get hitched last night, dressed up like Elvis, and why, why am I wearing your class ring? Don't call your mother' cause now we're partners in crime. Don't be a baby. Remember what you told me? Shut up and put your money where your mouth is, that's what you get for waking up in Vegas. Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now, that's what you get for waking up in Vegas. You got me into this. Information overload, situation lost control, send out an S.O.S. And get some cash out, we're gonna tear up the town."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 1:53 PM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

"Singing songs that make you slit your wrists,
It isn't that much fun..."

M N. 5th of the April. 17. Singapore. Female. Facebook. Tumblr.

Ex-Chongfu Primary. / Ex-CHAS.
Graduated Orchid Park Secondary:
Ex-Drama. Ex-Debater. Ex-Student Councillor. Ex-1A3-ian. Once-and-forever-2A3-ian. Ex-3A1-ian. Ex-PROUD-4A1-ian.

NGEE ANN FMS MCM [mass comm] T107/T102. RADIOHEATWAVE.COM Radio DJ. STAGE 52.

IN A RELATIONSHIP ♥

FYI, I quote a LOT of lyrics.

NOT emo, just tends to be more depressed than I'd like.
NOT a rocker, but loves to rock out.
NOT so sure i know who i am.
SUFFERS from Dermatillomania
a passionate LOVE for the colour RED
& PROUD TO BE A freak. Are you?

1. Love myself.
2. Self-Acceptance.
3. Eradicate insecurities.
4. Not to care.
5. Work hard in school.
6. Start over.
7. Take it slow.
8. Keep promises.
9. GPA >3.8 [yr 1.2,1.1,2.2,2.1,3.2]
10. To be MISERABLE and HAPPY.


"If it's not enough, try again. And again. Over and over again."

[[ WaNTS && WiSHES ]]

(1) Gorillaz - Plastic Beach
(2) 30STM - This Is War
(3) New Headphones
(4) Those new JEANS
(5) A Teenage Dream

Alex. :)♥ (my bumbling idiot)

HUTTSON My poopoo DOGGIE. ♥♥♥

BANDS :: MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE. Placebo. Marilyn Manson. 30 Seconds to Mars. Avenged Sevenfold. Linkin Park. Gorillaz. The Blackout. The Academy Is... Fall Out Boy. Bullet For My Valentine. Before Their Eyes. Lady Gaga. Just to name a VERY few...

HEROES :: GERARD WAY. TDK Joker. Jared Leto. Brian Molko. Draco Malfoy. 2D. Gerard Way. ♥ XD

Dilemmas.
The conflict.
Inner conflict.
Prejudiced people.
BUGS.

2A3-ians ♥ We Rock. Like Hell.
3/4A1-ians Over speed limit :D
Shoethrowers ♥ FAMILY
Apphia! :D :D :D Hee.
Azira A-zi-zi-ziraaaa! ♥ xD
Elizabeth ♥!
Elva VaVa :D
Farhan
Gavin
Isabelle
Jessica :D :D :D
Joanne ♥ XD
Joel is a legend!
Kenn Ninjaboy :D
Keng Ying CUZZIN! :D
Li Qing :DDD!
Matin! :D So cuute!
Nazry BiTCH!♥
Pearlyn So cute. :D
Rui Shuin Mah Couzin :D
Safwah rocks hardcore! :D ♥
Samuel ... Moo. :D ♥
Sarah BestFriend WALRUS ♥♥♥
Sheereen :DDD She cool yo!
Shi Wei :D:D:D So rad!
Si Ying, Tan rroooccckksss. :]
Si Ying, Yeh :D
Su Min She rocks!
Su Yuan :]

"Well you can hide a lot about yourself,
But honey, what're you gonna do?
And you can sleep in a coffin,
But the past ain't through with you."

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I'm nothing but a beautiful disaster,
Crying tears of blood and joy
Into this black void.
Oblivion;
It's the place to be.
Ephemeral Romance.
Will you come with me?




i want to be

BEAUTIFUL

inside