Warning: Emo Content ahead. Unless you don't feel like reading about someone who just felt intense pain after a very long time of stopping from breaking down, then I suggest you don't read what's below.

Well, we lost the semis. For one. Irony was we didn't exactly feel anything, heck we almost felt apathetic and welcomed the defeat. But when they announced it went to the opposition, I felt something painful in my chest, but was quickly concealed by graciousness and happiness for the winner of the debate. Congrats to Jurong Sec, and all the best for your finals.

I gotta say, the second speaker asked to hug me... Dude, she must have been ELATED that she won best speaker. Good for her, tears of joy.

On the other hand, we saw tears of anguish, and coming from a person who we thought we'd never see cry. It hurt me. Yes, it hurt me. Because to know that this person had poured out the heart and soul into this debate thing, and to see us fall short within winning [3-2 split]... it was seriously disappointing and painful. To everyone of us, but we didn't let it show. They say it's the effort and that we did our best, if they say that then why do we feel like it doesn't actually matter?

And later on, we were okay. Least we seemed okay. And the way we handed it was surprisingly cool, like we didn't win neither did we lose. But on my way back home alone, whilst walking, I started crying. Just starting weeping. Weeping for the whole of 15 or more minutes that I walked. I didn't know why I was crying, maybe because I just really had a passion for debating that this defeat really got to me. That one debate we lost didn't seem so important, and for now that our hopes were dashed. But I can say for sure, this is a real blow to me. When we lost that one debate... and it reminds me of the softball matches that we sometimes lost... it was disheartening, but this very one losing of debate really made me feel so depressed and pained that I cried.

By now, people be'd telling me that it's not the end of the world and I should just get over it. I know, I will... But I'd rather be some emo poser right now and weep out all my feelings. Hah.

Well, it gives me something to type about for sure.

... I still feel so depressed. And it makes me wonder if I was the only one who actually truly cared about all this. I'm sorry, I just wanted to win so badly, even thought winning should have been the last thing on our mind.

Anyway, since this in fact did become our last debate, I think I should pretty much say something that I didn't get to say:

CHARLOTTE. Thanks for helping me with the clashes and writing out rebuttals. Thanks for the insane and inane comic relief that puts us out of our stress and misery. You're an awesome 2nd speaker and 3rd speaker.

AZIRA. You proved to be Army Mom today. Thanks for leading us on track and keeping us on track, thanks for helping us get into the "debate-mode" and ensuring we didn't goof off (minus the search for the hidden camera - now that was the fun part). You are an amazing rebuttal writer and debator.

ZHI QING. Not bad for a 1st speaker for two debates eh? Your style is awesome. Thanks for helping me with my substantives today, and the previous time-keeping. Thanks for the encouragement after today. And yes, I felt you thrashed the diva. THRASH.

HARKIRAN. Even though you didn't get to speak, you were still part of the team. And we needed you. You provided us with encouragement and positive outlook before our debate, and it seriously pushed us forward. Thanks for all the help.

BERTON. Best and only debate coach ever. You pushed and pulled me, and stretched me. But it proved to be the best, I saw improvement in myself with your constant coaching. You raised a team of ordinary people (just me actually) to grow so much potential and it helped us reach this far. I learnt to get rid of unwanted tension, needless pressure, thanks to your advice. So thank you so much. Really, we wouldn't be here without you.

SUPPORTERS. Thanks for the comic relief, the insanity, the jokes, the dancing, the music and the all-around retardism. It encouraged us and kept us going, so really, thanks you noisy lil' cheerleaders.

But now, focus on studies and tests and school and DRAMA SYF I guess. This Sunday's my birthday... but for now I don't feel so happy over it. Just for now.


"Dreams of his crash won’t pass, oh how they all adored him. Beauty will last when spiraled down. The stars that mystifed, he left them all behind. And how his children cried, he left us all behind. Hey, Miss Murder, can I? Hey, Miss Murder, can I? Make beauty stay if I take my life? Whoa oh oh."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 12:29 AM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

"Singing songs that make you slit your wrists,
It isn't that much fun..."

M N. 5th of the April. 17. Singapore. Female. Facebook. Tumblr.

Ex-Chongfu Primary. / Ex-CHAS.
Graduated Orchid Park Secondary:
Ex-Drama. Ex-Debater. Ex-Student Councillor. Ex-1A3-ian. Once-and-forever-2A3-ian. Ex-3A1-ian. Ex-PROUD-4A1-ian.

NGEE ANN FMS MCM [mass comm] T107/T102. RADIOHEATWAVE.COM Radio DJ. STAGE 52.

IN A RELATIONSHIP ♥

FYI, I quote a LOT of lyrics.

NOT emo, just tends to be more depressed than I'd like.
NOT a rocker, but loves to rock out.
NOT so sure i know who i am.
SUFFERS from Dermatillomania
a passionate LOVE for the colour RED
& PROUD TO BE A freak. Are you?

1. Love myself.
2. Self-Acceptance.
3. Eradicate insecurities.
4. Not to care.
5. Work hard in school.
6. Start over.
7. Take it slow.
8. Keep promises.
9. GPA >3.8 [yr 1.2,1.1,2.2,2.1,3.2]
10. To be MISERABLE and HAPPY.


"If it's not enough, try again. And again. Over and over again."

[[ WaNTS && WiSHES ]]

(1) Gorillaz - Plastic Beach
(2) 30STM - This Is War
(3) New Headphones
(4) Those new JEANS
(5) A Teenage Dream

Alex. :)♥ (my bumbling idiot)

HUTTSON My poopoo DOGGIE. ♥♥♥

BANDS :: MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE. Placebo. Marilyn Manson. 30 Seconds to Mars. Avenged Sevenfold. Linkin Park. Gorillaz. The Blackout. The Academy Is... Fall Out Boy. Bullet For My Valentine. Before Their Eyes. Lady Gaga. Just to name a VERY few...

HEROES :: GERARD WAY. TDK Joker. Jared Leto. Brian Molko. Draco Malfoy. 2D. Gerard Way. ♥ XD

Dilemmas.
The conflict.
Inner conflict.
Prejudiced people.
BUGS.

2A3-ians ♥ We Rock. Like Hell.
3/4A1-ians Over speed limit :D
Shoethrowers ♥ FAMILY
Apphia! :D :D :D Hee.
Azira A-zi-zi-ziraaaa! ♥ xD
Elizabeth ♥!
Elva VaVa :D
Farhan
Gavin
Isabelle
Jessica :D :D :D
Joanne ♥ XD
Joel is a legend!
Kenn Ninjaboy :D
Keng Ying CUZZIN! :D
Li Qing :DDD!
Matin! :D So cuute!
Nazry BiTCH!♥
Pearlyn So cute. :D
Rui Shuin Mah Couzin :D
Safwah rocks hardcore! :D ♥
Samuel ... Moo. :D ♥
Sarah BestFriend WALRUS ♥♥♥
Sheereen :DDD She cool yo!
Shi Wei :D:D:D So rad!
Si Ying, Tan rroooccckksss. :]
Si Ying, Yeh :D
Su Min She rocks!
Su Yuan :]

"Well you can hide a lot about yourself,
But honey, what're you gonna do?
And you can sleep in a coffin,
But the past ain't through with you."

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I'm nothing but a beautiful disaster,
Crying tears of blood and joy
Into this black void.
Oblivion;
It's the place to be.
Ephemeral Romance.
Will you come with me?




i want to be

BEAUTIFUL

inside