I've been desperately trying to aviod these thoughts of loneliness and sadness that's been plaguing my mind since the start of this week... And it makes me depressed because I suddenly realize all this time this year, I've just been ignorant of these thoughts.

They've always been there, sometimes a thought or two slips out during my darkest hour, but now they're all just coming out in full force.

These thoughts make me angry, offended, jealous, sad, depressed, lonely... All those dark emotions that I've been trying to hard not to feel day in day out.

I should be grateful. I swear I am to everybody and everything that gives and provides me pleasure and happines but now this is just too much. I'm probably wallowing in self-pity again... Being the selfish bastard I am. But I try so hard to be optimistic, happy, kind... How can this be achieved when I get the urges to cry, tear people apart or even seek emotional numbness?

Just one day I wish I can bravely smile and tell people "I'm not ashamed of my scars."

But I guess I always will be. So long as I don't love myself, accept myself, feel lower about myself whenever I stand next to people, even next to my friends.

I really hope you guys know how lucky and awesome you really are. Because you guys have made me feel so appreciative and grateful for all the great times you've providied me with, you guys are so awesome you make me feel like I don't deserve such great people as friends like you. You guys make me feel low and pathetic about myself, and even though I dislike it, I'd rather not have it another way, I like it this way.

Damn, I feel so dark and suicidal... Haha, maybe it'll pass off sooner or later. I'll revert back to a more aware, less ignorant ghost of my happy self soon enough. What an empty shell I am in more ways than one.

"Well, I'm afraid that I, well, that's right, well I may have faked it. And I wouldn't be caught dead in this place... Praying for love and paying in naivety. Praying for love and paying in naivety, oh..."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 2:09 PM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

"Singing songs that make you slit your wrists,
It isn't that much fun..."

M N. 5th of the April. 17. Singapore. Female. Facebook. Tumblr.

Ex-Chongfu Primary. / Ex-CHAS.
Graduated Orchid Park Secondary:
Ex-Drama. Ex-Debater. Ex-Student Councillor. Ex-1A3-ian. Once-and-forever-2A3-ian. Ex-3A1-ian. Ex-PROUD-4A1-ian.

NGEE ANN FMS MCM [mass comm] T107/T102. RADIOHEATWAVE.COM Radio DJ. STAGE 52.

IN A RELATIONSHIP ♥

FYI, I quote a LOT of lyrics.

NOT emo, just tends to be more depressed than I'd like.
NOT a rocker, but loves to rock out.
NOT so sure i know who i am.
SUFFERS from Dermatillomania
a passionate LOVE for the colour RED
& PROUD TO BE A freak. Are you?

1. Love myself.
2. Self-Acceptance.
3. Eradicate insecurities.
4. Not to care.
5. Work hard in school.
6. Start over.
7. Take it slow.
8. Keep promises.
9. GPA >3.8 [yr 1.2,1.1,2.2,2.1,3.2]
10. To be MISERABLE and HAPPY.


"If it's not enough, try again. And again. Over and over again."

[[ WaNTS && WiSHES ]]

(1) Gorillaz - Plastic Beach
(2) 30STM - This Is War
(3) New Headphones
(4) Those new JEANS
(5) A Teenage Dream

Alex. :)♥ (my bumbling idiot)

HUTTSON My poopoo DOGGIE. ♥♥♥

BANDS :: MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE. Placebo. Marilyn Manson. 30 Seconds to Mars. Avenged Sevenfold. Linkin Park. Gorillaz. The Blackout. The Academy Is... Fall Out Boy. Bullet For My Valentine. Before Their Eyes. Lady Gaga. Just to name a VERY few...

HEROES :: GERARD WAY. TDK Joker. Jared Leto. Brian Molko. Draco Malfoy. 2D. Gerard Way. ♥ XD

Dilemmas.
The conflict.
Inner conflict.
Prejudiced people.
BUGS.

2A3-ians ♥ We Rock. Like Hell.
3/4A1-ians Over speed limit :D
Shoethrowers ♥ FAMILY
Apphia! :D :D :D Hee.
Azira A-zi-zi-ziraaaa! ♥ xD
Elizabeth ♥!
Elva VaVa :D
Farhan
Gavin
Isabelle
Jessica :D :D :D
Joanne ♥ XD
Joel is a legend!
Kenn Ninjaboy :D
Keng Ying CUZZIN! :D
Li Qing :DDD!
Matin! :D So cuute!
Nazry BiTCH!♥
Pearlyn So cute. :D
Rui Shuin Mah Couzin :D
Safwah rocks hardcore! :D ♥
Samuel ... Moo. :D ♥
Sarah BestFriend WALRUS ♥♥♥
Sheereen :DDD She cool yo!
Shi Wei :D:D:D So rad!
Si Ying, Tan rroooccckksss. :]
Si Ying, Yeh :D
Su Min She rocks!
Su Yuan :]

"Well you can hide a lot about yourself,
But honey, what're you gonna do?
And you can sleep in a coffin,
But the past ain't through with you."

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Image: Beyrout

I'm nothing but a beautiful disaster,
Crying tears of blood and joy
Into this black void.
Oblivion;
It's the place to be.
Ephemeral Romance.
Will you come with me?




i want to be

BEAUTIFUL

inside