I thought I made it clear when I said "No".

Then again, everyone twists and turns the plot so your answer becomes another, untruthful reply. What others may have done may completely destroy your very answer.

But I can't be sure whether my answer has been twisted into a lie.

He bought them.

Now I feel guilty, filthy. Heartless. I feel betrayed, hurt and confused. Yet if I do, I will betray another. If I don't, I don't get to fulfil a desire, a craving, a want I have.

Yet it's not easy to let go. Forgetting everything just like that? Impossible. After all that damage, drama and pain? Can you be easily forgiven? Can you be easily forgotten? I am not Christian, but many times people have said "Forgive and Forget". How easy is it for you? After you've been hurt to a point you're being affected for the rest of your life.

I would love to hate you. I don't care about you. I want nothing to do with you anymore. I find myself yelling and crying at nothing, craving in vain for the answers to immortal questions: Why this, why that? Why? Why? WHY?

Why do you keep coming back? Why do you keep doing this? Why have you not realized that you're only making things worse? Why have you not realized you've hurt me - us. Everyone. Why have you not let go of her for the sake of us? Why did you push us away?

Why have you not noticed I just don't want to see you - anyone of you - anymore? Why can't you feel my pain and my hurt? Do you even care anymore? Why can't you see from the eyes of a third person how much suffering you've caused? Are you ignorant? It's not all bliss, do you know that?

But why... I can no longer shed any tears. Why can't you tell - see - that when you try to please me with material goods, you're only hurting me. WHY CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT?! ... Why can't you save yourself? Why do you make life harder for you, for me, for everyone around me so you can go that extra mile to please me?

I'm not happy anymore... You can't make me truly happy with all these things. It won't work.

Now I'm torn. To do, to not do. I want to, but it's not a need, only a greedy, lustful want. I don't want to, it'll wreck everything I believed in. It's not as easy as pretending nothing has happened and just doing it in carefree bliss. There is a heavy guilt that is gnawing away at my thoughts, my mind, my heart.

I feel like a wreck now. And it's all thanks to you.

Just STOP.

"Take the pain out of loving and love won't exist. Everything we had. Everything we had. Everything we had. Everything we had. Is no longer there."

- -8<- - - - WELCOME to the world of the PLASTIC BEACH - - - ->8- -

a DARK beach with a BLACK view ; it was 11:01 PM

"When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep. Drive on engines till they weep. With future pixels in factories far away."

"Singing songs that make you slit your wrists,
It isn't that much fun..."

M N. 5th of the April. 17. Singapore. Female. Facebook. Tumblr.

Ex-Chongfu Primary. / Ex-CHAS.
Graduated Orchid Park Secondary:
Ex-Drama. Ex-Debater. Ex-Student Councillor. Ex-1A3-ian. Once-and-forever-2A3-ian. Ex-3A1-ian. Ex-PROUD-4A1-ian.

NGEE ANN FMS MCM [mass comm] T107/T102. RADIOHEATWAVE.COM Radio DJ. STAGE 52.

IN A RELATIONSHIP ♥

FYI, I quote a LOT of lyrics.

NOT emo, just tends to be more depressed than I'd like.
NOT a rocker, but loves to rock out.
NOT so sure i know who i am.
SUFFERS from Dermatillomania
a passionate LOVE for the colour RED
& PROUD TO BE A freak. Are you?

1. Love myself.
2. Self-Acceptance.
3. Eradicate insecurities.
4. Not to care.
5. Work hard in school.
6. Start over.
7. Take it slow.
8. Keep promises.
9. GPA >3.8 [yr 1.2,1.1,2.2,2.1,3.2]
10. To be MISERABLE and HAPPY.


"If it's not enough, try again. And again. Over and over again."

[[ WaNTS && WiSHES ]]

(1) Gorillaz - Plastic Beach
(2) 30STM - This Is War
(3) New Headphones
(4) Those new JEANS
(5) A Teenage Dream

Alex. :)♥ (my bumbling idiot)

HUTTSON My poopoo DOGGIE. ♥♥♥

BANDS :: MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE. Placebo. Marilyn Manson. 30 Seconds to Mars. Avenged Sevenfold. Linkin Park. Gorillaz. The Blackout. The Academy Is... Fall Out Boy. Bullet For My Valentine. Before Their Eyes. Lady Gaga. Just to name a VERY few...

HEROES :: GERARD WAY. TDK Joker. Jared Leto. Brian Molko. Draco Malfoy. 2D. Gerard Way. ♥ XD

Dilemmas.
The conflict.
Inner conflict.
Prejudiced people.
BUGS.

2A3-ians ♥ We Rock. Like Hell.
3/4A1-ians Over speed limit :D
Shoethrowers ♥ FAMILY
Apphia! :D :D :D Hee.
Azira A-zi-zi-ziraaaa! ♥ xD
Elizabeth ♥!
Elva VaVa :D
Farhan
Gavin
Isabelle
Jessica :D :D :D
Joanne ♥ XD
Joel is a legend!
Kenn Ninjaboy :D
Keng Ying CUZZIN! :D
Li Qing :DDD!
Matin! :D So cuute!
Nazry BiTCH!♥
Pearlyn So cute. :D
Rui Shuin Mah Couzin :D
Safwah rocks hardcore! :D ♥
Samuel ... Moo. :D ♥
Sarah BestFriend WALRUS ♥♥♥
Sheereen :DDD She cool yo!
Shi Wei :D:D:D So rad!
Si Ying, Tan rroooccckksss. :]
Si Ying, Yeh :D
Su Min She rocks!
Su Yuan :]

"Well you can hide a lot about yourself,
But honey, what're you gonna do?
And you can sleep in a coffin,
But the past ain't through with you."

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Layout: x
Image: Beyrout

I'm nothing but a beautiful disaster,
Crying tears of blood and joy
Into this black void.
Oblivion;
It's the place to be.
Ephemeral Romance.
Will you come with me?




i want to be

BEAUTIFUL

inside